An Enigma Wrapped Around a Puzzle Overlaying a Riddle

True story:
Old friend calls me awhile back and says, "I need to talk to you because you're the only person I know who won't judge me."
Seems this old friend, who's been.married for about 20 years, started having an affair with this married guy who has been married for about 25 years. Her kids are HS age and younger, his are grown and out of the house.
His wife has health issues that have kept them from having sex for years. She still sleeps with her husband fairly regularly.
Other married guy is ready to divorce his wife because he stayed "for the kids" and because his wife is sick, but now she wants to move back to the Midwest where her family is, and he doesn't want to leave Jersey.
She (my friend) isn't in any rush to do any such thing.
He's upset because a) she still sleeps with her husband, and b) she won't do things on his timetable.
Apparently, now that he's just about free and clear, she's supposed to move at his speed.
As for the "still sleeping with her husband" part? Get this: he's upset because he's an old-fashioned guy who thinks sex should only take place between people who are in love. So, I guess it doesn't matter to him that they are both married to other people, huh? Try and wrap your brain around that one, wouldja?
I'm a little worried, because she told me that he has started doing things that to me, sound vaguely stalkerish, like taking classes near her work, and moving to a house in the same town where she lives. I think it's only a matter of time till this guy does something like show up on her doorstep, because he's getting antsy for her to do what he wants her to do, on his schedule.
I told her his behavior was a little creepy, and that I don't want her to end up on an episode of "Dateline." She's a smart, tough, logical cookie, who doesn't seem to be swept away on the irrationality of romance (like some people I know, ahem, ME, ahem).
So as you look around at all the seemingly happy couples at your next neighborhood block party, you just never know what might turn up, and you might not be so quick to judge people you don't know for what they're doing.
When I feel a big fat judgement coming on (and trust me, I am judgemental and awful about some things) I always try to ask myself, what if it was someone that I loved doing this?
Tangent: I also don't get the being mad about sleeping with her husband thing. I think this may be the psyche place where I am sooo different from everyone else that I truly am a freak of nature. Look, if my Special Naked Friend went home after being with me and fucked his wife until she bled out of her ears, I would think, "That's great!" Seriously. What am I supposed to be -- jealous of a guy who sleeps with his wife? I say, "goodonya, mate."
I also had the MWBMH(tm) go absolutely apeshit on me when I mentioned another guy (a friendor) in an email. He made up a story in his head about me and this friend without asking me who the guy even was, and delivered an email smackdown that actually made me cry it was so harsh (maybe I shoulda bolted at that moment). When the reality is, there are no explanations I have to give to anyone. As he wrote remorsefully later on, what does he expect me to do, sit around and knit?
One of the other things I won't do is rearrange my schedule around what is convenient for the SNF.
A. I have to continue to have my life, and it certainly can't be contingent on whether it suits his schedule. He is going to have to work into mine, too, thank you very much, and he knows that.
B. I have nooooo problems, none whatsoever, when I get the "can I come over tonight?" text, saying, "would love to, but I'm busy." Punto. End of story. No further explanation is forthcoming. You know those women who try to soft-sell their way into a refusal because they are afraid of hurting someone's feelings? They offer detailed explanations of why they won't go out with someone because they have a boyfriend, or they just got out of a relationship, or have to pick up their drycleaning, blahblahblah? Well, I'm not one of'em. If someone asks me out who I'm not interested in dating, I simply give a firm and polite, "No, thank you!" as if I'm refusing a refill on my water. No explanations owed or offered.
Look, if some guy happens to come along who captures my fancy, and who fancies me equally, who knows, all this shit may change overnight, you know what I'm saying? Who knows? I'm not writing off any thing that may happen tomorrow or the day after or the day after that. I may meet someone who captivates me so much that I walk off arm in arm with him under a bower of wisteria with little rainbow heart bubbles exploding over our heads. But since that seems unlikely right now, I've got enough of a job to do taking care of myself.
So there.