"Ladies and gentlemen, this is the Captain. We're going to be heading back to the gate because the flight attendants have reported hearing a loud boom from the back of the aircraft."
If I were a cartoon character, right now I'd be Bill the Cat.
ACK!!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Gubmint Idiocy Personified
What is it with the geniuses at the TSA?
At the the Delta terminal at LaGuardia Airport, after you have checked in electronically and indicated that you will not be checking bags, tried futilely to convince the halfwit line monitor that you are an experienced traveler and should be in the speedy short security line and are directed stonily to the "Non-english-speaking family of six with eight suitcases and twelve carry-ons," after you have patiently waited for them while they ransack their bags to get rid of all of their half-consumed bottles of Poland Spring, when you finally get to that little steel table and load your one bag, laptop, and shoes into their individual bins under the bovine gaze of yet another future burger flipper in a cheap gray blazer, you push your bins about five feet to the belt, where the potbellied guy in front of the monitor yells loudly enough for the burger flipper to hear "PUT YOUR SHOES DIRECTLY ON THE BELT!"
I ask you, would it be so hard for the moron at the beginning of the table who watched you and every other passenger put your shoes into a bin (remember, in this "post-9/11" world, we are conditioned to remove our shoes and PUT THEM INTO A BIN) to tell you, as you did so, that you shouldn't PUT YOUR SHOES INTO A BIN?
Maybe I'm cranky because I got up at 3:30 to catch this 6:00 flight to Cincinnati,but Jesus Jumpin Christ on a popsicle stick! I mean, really.
F-in retards.
At the the Delta terminal at LaGuardia Airport, after you have checked in electronically and indicated that you will not be checking bags, tried futilely to convince the halfwit line monitor that you are an experienced traveler and should be in the speedy short security line and are directed stonily to the "Non-english-speaking family of six with eight suitcases and twelve carry-ons," after you have patiently waited for them while they ransack their bags to get rid of all of their half-consumed bottles of Poland Spring, when you finally get to that little steel table and load your one bag, laptop, and shoes into their individual bins under the bovine gaze of yet another future burger flipper in a cheap gray blazer, you push your bins about five feet to the belt, where the potbellied guy in front of the monitor yells loudly enough for the burger flipper to hear "PUT YOUR SHOES DIRECTLY ON THE BELT!"
I ask you, would it be so hard for the moron at the beginning of the table who watched you and every other passenger put your shoes into a bin (remember, in this "post-9/11" world, we are conditioned to remove our shoes and PUT THEM INTO A BIN) to tell you, as you did so, that you shouldn't PUT YOUR SHOES INTO A BIN?
Maybe I'm cranky because I got up at 3:30 to catch this 6:00 flight to Cincinnati,but Jesus Jumpin Christ on a popsicle stick! I mean, really.
F-in retards.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Been Awhile and I Don't Have Much Time Now...
So I'll be brief:
* Got the bronchitis that took me down for a full week -- we're talking stay at home, feverish, quarantined by the doctor sick. All better now, and still smoking.
* My Pens won the Cup! And apparently the Cup spent some more time in Mario Lemieux's pool, AGAIN. And as evidenced by these photos, Evgeni Malkin at age 22 hasn't yet learned that there are parties where you can take your Russian stripper girlfriend, and there are parties where you come alone. Geno! You don't take the Russian Stripper Girlfriend to a party at your boss's house!
* On the Pens front again, someone snapped this photo of Sidney Crosby SLEEPING with the Cup:
And I ponder: If you are 21 years old, and quite possibly the best player in the world at your sport, and you are captain of the Stanley Cup-Winning team, and you pass out in your bed, shouldn't you by all rights have at least two naked girls in there with you and not a 35-pound hunk of tin? This thought caused my fellow hockey-loving pal Ed to tell me that I think like a guy. But he said it like it was a good thing.
* Pens again, one more thing: FUCK YOU, MARIAN HOSSA.
* Got the bronchitis that took me down for a full week -- we're talking stay at home, feverish, quarantined by the doctor sick. All better now, and still smoking.
* My Pens won the Cup! And apparently the Cup spent some more time in Mario Lemieux's pool, AGAIN. And as evidenced by these photos, Evgeni Malkin at age 22 hasn't yet learned that there are parties where you can take your Russian stripper girlfriend, and there are parties where you come alone. Geno! You don't take the Russian Stripper Girlfriend to a party at your boss's house!
* On the Pens front again, someone snapped this photo of Sidney Crosby SLEEPING with the Cup:
And I ponder: If you are 21 years old, and quite possibly the best player in the world at your sport, and you are captain of the Stanley Cup-Winning team, and you pass out in your bed, shouldn't you by all rights have at least two naked girls in there with you and not a 35-pound hunk of tin? This thought caused my fellow hockey-loving pal Ed to tell me that I think like a guy. But he said it like it was a good thing.
* Pens again, one more thing: FUCK YOU, MARIAN HOSSA.