This may be the first Presidential couple to have sex in the White House since the Kennedys.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The First Couple
Looks just gorgeous in their Inaugural Ball finery. Mrs. Obama wears a dress by Jason Wu, and the President thinks she looks hot.
This may be the first Presidential couple to have sex in the White House since the Kennedys.
This may be the first Presidential couple to have sex in the White House since the Kennedys.
The One Sour Note of the Day
Was this bloated, bigoted toad spoutin' Jesus crap like he was at a tent revival ("...in the name of the one who changed MY life, Jesus." Hello? Rick, please take your narcissism away from this major international event and spooge it where it fits better, like an AA meeting):
But I did appreciate President Obama's shout-out to us "non-believers" or, as I like to call us, "thinkers."
But I did appreciate President Obama's shout-out to us "non-believers" or, as I like to call us, "thinkers."
Mr. Potter Shows up at Inauguration, George Bailey Becomes President
"You once called me "a warped, frustrated, old man!"
Monday, January 19, 2009
When do the Indictments Come Down?
Just watched Keith Olbermann (large-noggined hottie, at least in Jane's world. Seriously, I've thought about stalking him at Rockefeller Center) give a Special Comment about torture and the prosecutions that the incoming Justice Department should pursue. The outgoing band of criminals has admitted that we tortured, and it looks like they are going to get away with it.
This has been on my mind lately, mainly because Glenn Greenwald is doing a great job keeping it out there, front and center.
However, this decision came down today, so it's not likely that we'll get the pleasure of seeing Cheney doing a perp-walk anytime soon. What this man has done to the Executive Branch and the Constitution makes me boil, so the best I can hope for is that some great karmic cyclone will drop a house on him and the people close to him.
But if our Justice Department won't do it, will we at least get to see them at the Hague, accused of war crimes, crimes against peace, and crimes against humanity by an international tribunal ? That might be even better.
I'll bet right now, Cheney's out in the back yard stashing stacks of hundreds in a plastic bin, underneath forty pounds of cracked corn, while Bush stuffs the long guns in a cabinet hidden in a dining room pillar.
This has been on my mind lately, mainly because Glenn Greenwald is doing a great job keeping it out there, front and center.
However, this decision came down today, so it's not likely that we'll get the pleasure of seeing Cheney doing a perp-walk anytime soon. What this man has done to the Executive Branch and the Constitution makes me boil, so the best I can hope for is that some great karmic cyclone will drop a house on him and the people close to him.
But if our Justice Department won't do it, will we at least get to see them at the Hague, accused of war crimes, crimes against peace, and crimes against humanity by an international tribunal ? That might be even better.
I'll bet right now, Cheney's out in the back yard stashing stacks of hundreds in a plastic bin, underneath forty pounds of cracked corn, while Bush stuffs the long guns in a cabinet hidden in a dining room pillar.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
A Relatively Snarkless Gawker Post
I agree with Richard that we should leave Sully alone, even though I know I'll be up early tomorrow to see the interview with Matt Lauer.
And I'm glad eBay pulled down the plane-seat offer. Ick.
And I'm glad eBay pulled down the plane-seat offer. Ick.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
My Question for USAirways
What is it about USAir (to me, they are still USAir and, sometimes, Allegheny), LaGuardia Airport, and the bodies of water around this city?
This is the third -- yes, THIRD -- plane that USAir has put into the drink while I've been in this city. That's 3 in 20 years.
On a rainy September night in 1989 there was US Air Flight 5050, which at takeoff had a mistrimmed rudder and apparent CRM (that's Cockpit Resource Management for you non-plane crash junkies) issues. These are things that fall under the catchall term "Pilot Error." Like Flight 1549, 5050 was also bound for Charlotte. It made it as far as the approach light stanchions at the end of the runway and landed in the East River in a couple of big pieces, killing two. The NTSB cryptically describes the plane in its report as "Aircraft Condition: Destroyed." I'll say:
Then there was US Air Flight 405, an F28 that also crashed on takeoff out of LaGarbage, killing 27. This was was caused by improper de-icing coupled with the fact that the crew did not do a visual inspection of the aircraft. The plane stalled on takeoff and fell out of the sky, skidding off the runway into Flushing Bay. I have a vague memory of reading in one of the local papers that they found one of the passengers wandering around in Queens, soaking wet and smelling of kerosene (aka Jet A), and completely disoriented. Sorry for this terrible photo, it's the only one I could find on the web:
So now you know my secret fetish and ghoulish fascination: Plane crashes.
This is the third -- yes, THIRD -- plane that USAir has put into the drink while I've been in this city. That's 3 in 20 years.
On a rainy September night in 1989 there was US Air Flight 5050, which at takeoff had a mistrimmed rudder and apparent CRM (that's Cockpit Resource Management for you non-plane crash junkies) issues. These are things that fall under the catchall term "Pilot Error." Like Flight 1549, 5050 was also bound for Charlotte. It made it as far as the approach light stanchions at the end of the runway and landed in the East River in a couple of big pieces, killing two. The NTSB cryptically describes the plane in its report as "Aircraft Condition: Destroyed." I'll say:
Then there was US Air Flight 405, an F28 that also crashed on takeoff out of LaGarbage, killing 27. This was was caused by improper de-icing coupled with the fact that the crew did not do a visual inspection of the aircraft. The plane stalled on takeoff and fell out of the sky, skidding off the runway into Flushing Bay. I have a vague memory of reading in one of the local papers that they found one of the passengers wandering around in Queens, soaking wet and smelling of kerosene (aka Jet A), and completely disoriented. Sorry for this terrible photo, it's the only one I could find on the web:
So now you know my secret fetish and ghoulish fascination: Plane crashes.
My Very Cool Company
I took the day off from work Tuesday because I didn't want to watch Barack Obama's inauguration as a news highlight that night. I intend to be parked in front of my television with my bottle of Dom Perignon so I can watch it live, as it happens.
At a quarter to five on Friday, we got an Employee Communication from Corporate that they are going to suspend our Websense company-wide (for those of you who don't know, Websense is firewall software that keeps you from looking at cute kitten videos on YouTube all day long instead of doing your work). In addition, they are setting up viewing screens in our common areas and conference rooms so we can gather together to watch this historic event. (On election day we had permission to come in late or leave early to make sure we could vote.)
You know you got lucky in the jobs department when the corporation recognizes that some days aren't just "business as usual."
Thank you, Mr. Major American Designer whose name does not rhyme with a famous Italian movie star but with a famous American movie star who was the wife of Humphrey Bogart.
Oh, and thanks for the job.
At a quarter to five on Friday, we got an Employee Communication from Corporate that they are going to suspend our Websense company-wide (for those of you who don't know, Websense is firewall software that keeps you from looking at cute kitten videos on YouTube all day long instead of doing your work). In addition, they are setting up viewing screens in our common areas and conference rooms so we can gather together to watch this historic event. (On election day we had permission to come in late or leave early to make sure we could vote.)
You know you got lucky in the jobs department when the corporation recognizes that some days aren't just "business as usual."
Thank you, Mr. Major American Designer whose name does not rhyme with a famous Italian movie star but with a famous American movie star who was the wife of Humphrey Bogart.
Oh, and thanks for the job.
Cockpit Voice Recorder from Flight 1549
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Sullenberger. You know those announcements you ignored about 10 minutes ago while you were still sending text messages on your Blackberries and throwing sections of the New York Times on the floor? Well, you're gonna wish you listened a little closer. See, we've lost both of our engines and in about 45 seconds you are going to be up to your knees in icy water.
But there is good news. In fact, you can even say that today you won the lottery. Not only am I an aviation safety expert, I'm a licensed glider pilot, so I'm going to fly this 80-ton brick like it's an ultralight vehicle, and you are more than likely going to have nothing more than wet feet.
Now, brace for impact, 'cause we're going down."
(brief silence)
"Oh, and one more thing. You will get your luggage back."
But there is good news. In fact, you can even say that today you won the lottery. Not only am I an aviation safety expert, I'm a licensed glider pilot, so I'm going to fly this 80-ton brick like it's an ultralight vehicle, and you are more than likely going to have nothing more than wet feet.
Now, brace for impact, 'cause we're going down."
(brief silence)
"Oh, and one more thing. You will get your luggage back."
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Sarah Palin Has Finally Succeeded in Taking Herself Out Of Context
"You have to let it go. Even hard news sources, credible news sources — the comment about, you can see Russia from Alaska. You can! You can see Russia from Alaska. Something like that — a factual statement that was taken out of context and mocked — what you have to do is let that go." Esquire, February 2009
Does Sarah Palin know what "context" actually means? No one challenged her on the fact that you can see Russia from some remote point of Alaska. What Katie Couric asked was, "Well, explain to me why that [Alaska's proximity to Russia] enhances your foreign-policy credentials."
She's gone totally meta.
And I say it again, comedy GOLD!
Does Sarah Palin know what "context" actually means? No one challenged her on the fact that you can see Russia from some remote point of Alaska. What Katie Couric asked was, "Well, explain to me why that [Alaska's proximity to Russia] enhances your foreign-policy credentials."
She's gone totally meta.
And I say it again, comedy GOLD!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Entertaining Sunday Browse
Reading the Sunday Times, I was steered by the City section to this message board, and have spent a very entertaining afternoon following this string.
Watch how cafeaulait's comments devolve into irrational shrieking and race-baiting while arrbecca stays calm and rational throughout.
People in Brooklyn are funnnneeeee.
Priceless
Watch how cafeaulait's comments devolve into irrational shrieking and race-baiting while arrbecca stays calm and rational throughout.
People in Brooklyn are funnnneeeee.
Priceless
Saturday, January 10, 2009
When Did We Turn Into Pansies? Which Leads to a Rant...
We have gotten a couple of inches of snow and everyone is acting like bin Ladin is in Jersey (I know, the analogy used to be "acting like the Russians are in Jersey," but the times they are a'changin'). Breathless "Breaking News" stories, video of people emptying the bread and milk shelves at grocery stores, shots of snowplows scraping the streets...I wonder how many schools will be closed on Monday because of this "WINTER STORM" (cue scary music). Does anyone remember the blizzard of 1996? Now that was a storm!
Since this pissant snowstorm is expected to last through tomorrow, I'm willing to bet that a certain one of my teammates will be calling out on Monday. Apparently, a dusting is grounds for her to stay home because she "lives on a big hill" out in Jersey. I'm sorry? Did I hear that correctly? I don't care if she uses personal days to do it, why is she the only one who does it? For the love of god, I lived at 11,000 feet on the side of a mountain in Colorado, and routinely woke up with a foot of snow on the roads, and I made it into work every day! It may have taken me 45 minutes to get down the mountain, and I may have done it sideways in my sad little '99 Buick, but dammit, I got there. The worst thing that ever happened to me was one day I left my house, and there was so much snow I couldn't see the steps outside my front door and I faceplanted after misjudging where the steps were.
Is there a secret hidden mountain range in the Garden State that becomes impassable with a little snow? Whatever happened to the old tried and true weatherman's mantra, "allow extra time?" Everyone else in the department does it, why can't she? She's not the only one who lives out in Buttfuck, New Jersey. And it's not like she has to be there for her kids in case their school is closed -- her husband is a computer consultant who WORKS FROM HOME!
Sorry to bitch about this, 'cause you know I love my job, but this is a person who, when there was merely a forecast of snow on the Friday before Christmas, planned to take the next day off, knowing that she was also taking both weeks of Christmas. No contingency plan to come in late, or leave early, or work from home. She just... took the day off.
Oh, and did I mention that every other person in my department worked either one or both weeks of this funky holiday season -- she is the only person in the department, aside from the SON OF THE FOUNDER OF THE COMPANY, who took both weeks off. As my office-mate said (sympathetically), "Wow, that was a really dick move!"
Now, I feel totally justified in bitching because I am the one who is personally responsible for covering for her when she is out of the office (we have assigned coverage), and every single one of her jobs is a disaster -- behind schedule, estimates late, and she makes no plans with her clients for her absences. The rest of us have established a protocol that when we are going to be out, we schedule a status review with our assigned covering person before we leave, and we put our houses in order to minimize the impact of our absences. This means doing actual client management, and doing your covering person the courtesy of going over your status report before you leave. This one strolled in on that Thursday when I was in the middle of a color review, threw a copy of her status report on my desk, and left. FOR TWO WEEKS.
Oh, after we all came back to work on Monday, she then took a sick day on Tuesday. Needless to say, I spent most of the past couple of weeks cleaning up messes and wanting her dead. And apologizing to my own clients in a non-throwing-my-teammate-under-the-bus-way when I didn't deliver estimates or respond to requests in a timely manner.
My opportunity for revenge is at hand, though. I have 5 personal days and 3 vacation days to use before March 31st, and another 5 vacation days to use before June 30th. Do I research when her kids' school break is and take my time then? Or do what I usually do, schedule them when I feel like taking them and leave her adequately prepared to do nothing but initial job bags as they are routed through the agency? Probably the latter, but it's fun to fantasize about fucking her mightily.
"Boy, do I owe you lunch," she said to me on Wednesday, as I thought, "Honey, you don't owe me lunch, you owe me an ounce of pot and a hooker."
Since this pissant snowstorm is expected to last through tomorrow, I'm willing to bet that a certain one of my teammates will be calling out on Monday. Apparently, a dusting is grounds for her to stay home because she "lives on a big hill" out in Jersey. I'm sorry? Did I hear that correctly? I don't care if she uses personal days to do it, why is she the only one who does it? For the love of god, I lived at 11,000 feet on the side of a mountain in Colorado, and routinely woke up with a foot of snow on the roads, and I made it into work every day! It may have taken me 45 minutes to get down the mountain, and I may have done it sideways in my sad little '99 Buick, but dammit, I got there. The worst thing that ever happened to me was one day I left my house, and there was so much snow I couldn't see the steps outside my front door and I faceplanted after misjudging where the steps were.
Is there a secret hidden mountain range in the Garden State that becomes impassable with a little snow? Whatever happened to the old tried and true weatherman's mantra, "allow extra time?" Everyone else in the department does it, why can't she? She's not the only one who lives out in Buttfuck, New Jersey. And it's not like she has to be there for her kids in case their school is closed -- her husband is a computer consultant who WORKS FROM HOME!
Sorry to bitch about this, 'cause you know I love my job, but this is a person who, when there was merely a forecast of snow on the Friday before Christmas, planned to take the next day off, knowing that she was also taking both weeks of Christmas. No contingency plan to come in late, or leave early, or work from home. She just... took the day off.
Oh, and did I mention that every other person in my department worked either one or both weeks of this funky holiday season -- she is the only person in the department, aside from the SON OF THE FOUNDER OF THE COMPANY, who took both weeks off. As my office-mate said (sympathetically), "Wow, that was a really dick move!"
Now, I feel totally justified in bitching because I am the one who is personally responsible for covering for her when she is out of the office (we have assigned coverage), and every single one of her jobs is a disaster -- behind schedule, estimates late, and she makes no plans with her clients for her absences. The rest of us have established a protocol that when we are going to be out, we schedule a status review with our assigned covering person before we leave, and we put our houses in order to minimize the impact of our absences. This means doing actual client management, and doing your covering person the courtesy of going over your status report before you leave. This one strolled in on that Thursday when I was in the middle of a color review, threw a copy of her status report on my desk, and left. FOR TWO WEEKS.
Oh, after we all came back to work on Monday, she then took a sick day on Tuesday. Needless to say, I spent most of the past couple of weeks cleaning up messes and wanting her dead. And apologizing to my own clients in a non-throwing-my-teammate-under-the-bus-way when I didn't deliver estimates or respond to requests in a timely manner.
My opportunity for revenge is at hand, though. I have 5 personal days and 3 vacation days to use before March 31st, and another 5 vacation days to use before June 30th. Do I research when her kids' school break is and take my time then? Or do what I usually do, schedule them when I feel like taking them and leave her adequately prepared to do nothing but initial job bags as they are routed through the agency? Probably the latter, but it's fun to fantasize about fucking her mightily.
"Boy, do I owe you lunch," she said to me on Wednesday, as I thought, "Honey, you don't owe me lunch, you owe me an ounce of pot and a hooker."
Why I Love Sarah Palin
After the election, a Republican strategist described Sarah Palin as "the hubcap that keeps rolling down the road after a car accident."
Now, politicians aren't generally known for being the most self-aware creatures on earth, but in my lifetime I can't recall a less self-aware, more completely narcissitic pol than Sarah Palin. It's clear that she loves it when someone points a camera in her direction, but what she apparently doesn't appreciate is this little technological secret: when the red light is on, the camera is recording what you actually say.
Then, when her interviews are broadcast, yanking back the curtain on her intellectually-challenged ineptitude (thank you, Charles Gibson, Katie Couric, et al), she whines after the fact that "the media" are a bunch of big meanies who unfairly target and "exploit" her. I guess when she bitches about being exploited by Tina Fey, it's convenient for her to forget Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton.
What she doesn't realize is that she is not just low-hanging fruit, she's comedy GOLD!
Now, politicians aren't generally known for being the most self-aware creatures on earth, but in my lifetime I can't recall a less self-aware, more completely narcissitic pol than Sarah Palin. It's clear that she loves it when someone points a camera in her direction, but what she apparently doesn't appreciate is this little technological secret: when the red light is on, the camera is recording what you actually say.
Then, when her interviews are broadcast, yanking back the curtain on her intellectually-challenged ineptitude (thank you, Charles Gibson, Katie Couric, et al), she whines after the fact that "the media" are a bunch of big meanies who unfairly target and "exploit" her. I guess when she bitches about being exploited by Tina Fey, it's convenient for her to forget Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton.
What she doesn't realize is that she is not just low-hanging fruit, she's comedy GOLD!
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Aqua Velva, Ben Gay, and Anger
On occasion I stay up past my bedtime to watch "The Daily Show." Don't you love Jon Stewart?
Caught this recently, and it is just hilarious. Quoth JS: "I can't belive we got Anderson Cooper to do this!"
Caught this recently, and it is just hilarious. Quoth JS: "I can't belive we got Anderson Cooper to do this!"
New Year's Good Intentions (apologies to Bing)
I haven't made a New Year's resolution in at least a decade and a half, and I'm not about to start now. But I think I can probably offer up a couple of intentions for the year...
* I intend to brown-bag it more often. I realized I was spending $10 a day on lunches - I mean, really, that's insane, when you think about it. Last week I made a giant pot of chili, bought a bunch of Progresso soups, and cans of tunafish. Oh, and I brought a big box of Special K into the office for breakfast. The only money that left my wallet during the week? $10 to buy a pack of cigarettes on Wednesday.
* I will not resolve to quit smoking. I LIKE smoking.
* I intend to turn my monthly $30 donation to Health Club Systems into actual workouts. When I think about it, the gym is three blocks from my apartment, and I know I've got a spare hour and half a few times a week to at least walk on a treadmill and throw around a few dumbbells.
* I intend to walk more, period. It's far too easy to duck down into the subway after work when it's just a block away from the office. I could walk to Grand Central to get the 6 train and that's a 20-minute, mind-clearing, 1-mile walk!
* I intend to write more letters. Not emails, not text messages. Actual letters, with pens and envelopes and stamps. Remember stamps?
* I intend to stay more in touch with my brothers, even though they make me crazy. Interestingly, I don't have this issue with my sisters. (Well, maybe the semi-crazy one)
That's all I can think of at the moment...has anyone else made any rezzies for the New Year?
* I intend to brown-bag it more often. I realized I was spending $10 a day on lunches - I mean, really, that's insane, when you think about it. Last week I made a giant pot of chili, bought a bunch of Progresso soups, and cans of tunafish. Oh, and I brought a big box of Special K into the office for breakfast. The only money that left my wallet during the week? $10 to buy a pack of cigarettes on Wednesday.
* I will not resolve to quit smoking. I LIKE smoking.
* I intend to turn my monthly $30 donation to Health Club Systems into actual workouts. When I think about it, the gym is three blocks from my apartment, and I know I've got a spare hour and half a few times a week to at least walk on a treadmill and throw around a few dumbbells.
* I intend to walk more, period. It's far too easy to duck down into the subway after work when it's just a block away from the office. I could walk to Grand Central to get the 6 train and that's a 20-minute, mind-clearing, 1-mile walk!
* I intend to write more letters. Not emails, not text messages. Actual letters, with pens and envelopes and stamps. Remember stamps?
* I intend to stay more in touch with my brothers, even though they make me crazy. Interestingly, I don't have this issue with my sisters. (Well, maybe the semi-crazy one)
That's all I can think of at the moment...has anyone else made any rezzies for the New Year?
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Dear NY Times, Please Explain
I'm baffled. Mystified. And deeply, deeply disturbed.
Everyone knows that publicists are as full of crap as a row of Port-o-sans at the end of a chili festival, and apparently Sloane Crosley nimbly made the leap from publicist to published author by being "The Most Popular (read: most full of crap) Publicist in New York City," but seriously, New York Times, I thought you had some standards.
Please tell me that you don't actually 1099 her for crap like this.
Everyone knows that publicists are as full of crap as a row of Port-o-sans at the end of a chili festival, and apparently Sloane Crosley nimbly made the leap from publicist to published author by being "The Most Popular (read: most full of crap) Publicist in New York City," but seriously, New York Times, I thought you had some standards.
Please tell me that you don't actually 1099 her for crap like this.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Happy New Year, meet the new boss, same as the old boss
I've been laid up with something fluish for the past three days, which has afforded me ample time to consume lots of Top Ramen, slog from my bed to my big chair and back dragging my Linus blanket, wade past wadded up and soggy Kleenexes, read Maeve Binchy, and watch endless replays of "VH1's 100 Greatest Hard Rock Songs," which is perfect for a contagious, loogie-hacking invalid with a fevered, short attention span for many, many reasons.
First, Bret Michaels needs to give thanks to VH1, every minute of every day. Not only are they getting him laid on a regular basis (I know, eew), but he is apparently now on their payroll. Do you think he's doing it for the Viacom health benefits? Or because they are buying his wigs?
Second, i realize that the current generation won't have retrospectives like this because no one's making filthy rock and roll any more. (I'm still wondering how f**king CREED made the list -- huh?) I mean, honestly, the biggest rock albums of 2008 were by, ahem, AC/DC, Motley Crue, and Guns n' Roses? Hello? I'm finally to the final hour, and it's fairly certain that the top 5 will include something Zeppelin-ey, Ozz-ey and Van Halen-ey.
Third, it's really fun to see some of the people VH1 exhumes to comment on the various songs. An unrecognizable Billy Squier, looking disturbingly like Kevin Cronin; Sebastian Bach looking like they just pried his lips off the bicycle pump he was using to self-inflate; Nikki Sixx looking, well, hot; Lita Ford, who apparently made some sort of deal with the devil she looks so good; and, inexplicably, Kip Winger. I know, who?
And the number 1 Hard Rock song? "Welcome to the Jungle."
Rock on, bitches.
First, Bret Michaels needs to give thanks to VH1, every minute of every day. Not only are they getting him laid on a regular basis (I know, eew), but he is apparently now on their payroll. Do you think he's doing it for the Viacom health benefits? Or because they are buying his wigs?
Second, i realize that the current generation won't have retrospectives like this because no one's making filthy rock and roll any more. (I'm still wondering how f**king CREED made the list -- huh?) I mean, honestly, the biggest rock albums of 2008 were by, ahem, AC/DC, Motley Crue, and Guns n' Roses? Hello? I'm finally to the final hour, and it's fairly certain that the top 5 will include something Zeppelin-ey, Ozz-ey and Van Halen-ey.
Third, it's really fun to see some of the people VH1 exhumes to comment on the various songs. An unrecognizable Billy Squier, looking disturbingly like Kevin Cronin; Sebastian Bach looking like they just pried his lips off the bicycle pump he was using to self-inflate; Nikki Sixx looking, well, hot; Lita Ford, who apparently made some sort of deal with the devil she looks so good; and, inexplicably, Kip Winger. I know, who?
And the number 1 Hard Rock song? "Welcome to the Jungle."
Rock on, bitches.