Pixelated Vampires

I don't know who said it, but it perfectly describes those of us who get sucked into hours of mindless TV watching for hours and hours on end.

Reality Shows and Sports and Series and News and of course, Law and Order.

Right now I'm in the middle of a News Embargo, in which I refuse to turn on the television in the morning when I get up or in the evening when I come home. I refuse to read either of those two free newspapers that they hand out on the subways. I stay off the news websites as much as I can. By all means, I avoid buzzflash.com.

I find that the news, local and national, is just in the business of feeding a stream of fear into your home. Or rather, they attempt to create worry rather than fear. It creates a false insecurity about living life, feeding a steady diet of crap into our minds. Bird Flu coming to your town? Coming up next! Crazy Killer Bouncers preying on Manhattan's young single women? Is it a trend? We'll be back with the story. Storm of the Century about to hit New York City! Is the city ready? News at eleven.

It is so easy, when you watch the news, to see how the media feeds the culture of "if you keep 'em afraid, you keep 'em under control." But the media is not all to blame. We, the viewers are willing participants in the game. We step right up and play along. I found myself leaving the house every day wound up and heading into the world with an extra-added dose of a aggression.

So I turned off my television.

And it was good.

Two hours of nothing but quiet and contemplation in the morning. No bombardment of bad news and bad advertising.

I do miss the snark of Miles O'Brien (CNN Hottie), but it's *OKAY*.

The two main reasons I have continued to pay for cable are this: Outdoor Life Network in July (YOU figure it out) and "The Sopranos."

I confess to spending the occasional weekend as one of those Pixelated Vampires, glassy eyed and zombie-fied, watching "Law & Order" reruns (Vincent D'Onofrio -- Weirdo Hottie) and eating processed food. I own my love of "Project Runway" and "America's Next Top Model," (Watch Tyra's Egomania Grow!). And I once spent an entire weekend in front of the TV devouring two seasons of the late, lamented (at least by me and a few of my friends) "Dead Like Me."

You know those smug assholes whom you meet who claim, "Oh, I never watch TV?" but seem to know the ins and outs of every show in primetime? Well, I'm not one of them. I watch TV, like an addict, like a junkie, and I am, I admit, a member of the PV set.

Total Aside: Frankly, other than the Super Bowl or other sporting events, I never understood people who have "TV Show Parties." Hi, we're going to gather together to sit in a room and NOT talk to each other. Is there anything more lame than that? You people need to get out more if your social life revolves around watching television as a group activity. It's kind of sad, actually.

But I want to start drawing a line somewhere.

So I am keeping my friend the television at arms length these days.

And it is good.