That's it. I'm shutting down temporarily. Going away. Disappearing. Crawling back under the porch.
Clearly that is where I need to be right now.
On a normal day, my spirit feels like a red balloon tied to my beltloop. It bobs along with me, cheerful and noticeable and people smile to see it. I smile back, happy to share it.
Right now, it feels like a dented old tin can tied to a stray puppy's tail.
The malaise that I see all around me, IS me. The transgressions I see others around me committing -- I am just as guilty as they are.
Does friendship really exist? Does it? DOES IT?
Does honor within friendship exist? I'm losing my faith in that, not only by my own acts, but by someone else's who has betrayed me deeply. Someone with whom I thought I had an understanding that we keep each others' secrets and keep each others confidences to the grave. I can try to spin what I did but there is no spin. I was a bad friend and I am paying the price.
Dear other person, now I see.
Thank you for making it clear that here is how to go through life:
There is no such thing as community and honor and kindness. There is only ego gratification and self-preservation.
So here is how I preserve myself.
I'm out.
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