What I Didn't Do Today

As on most Sundays, I awoke today with a fairly ambitious to-do list. As usual, most of it got shitcanned along the way.
It is so great that I am not married, because frankly, I'm the laziest motherfucker in the world, and being married to me would just piss off some motivated guy. If someone presented me with a "Honey-Do" list (don't people who say that as if they are the first person, ever, in the entire world, to have ever said it, make you want to poke out their eyes with a lobster fork?) I would probably wrap my gum in it and leave it in the bottom of my purse for a month or more.

Herewith, Jane's list of things I didn't do today:

1) I didn't mop my floors. Or even take a broom to them. And trust me, if walking barefoot from the living room to the kitchen feels like walking across a gravel driveway, there's a serious floor issue. (Same goes if you have to brush shit off the bottom of your feet before putting on your shoes)

2) I did not shred my pile of junk mail.

3) I did not change my duvet.

4) I did not sort my laundry.

5) I did not go for a mani-pedi.

6) I did not switch out my winter and summer clothes, which I am sure to regret. My cutest platform sandals are on a shelf seven feet up. Dammit.

Now, here's what I DID accomplish:

1) I bought a new coffee maker.

2) I bought ingredients for pesto, which I am planning to make in about 5 minutes.

3) I watched the Pens lose Game 2 of their round 2 series.

4) I started the Sunday Times crossword puzzle.

5) I had a lengthy, rangy, EXcellently time-wasting phone conversation with a friend.

All in all, I have had a really unproductive and most excellent day.