Friday Night Follies

Now, being a girl who was feeling really, really bad about herself on Friday afternoon, I made a little phone call to EmKay. It was a "come over later and bring wine" booty call, which I made balls to the wall from here at the prairie dog farm.

Sometimes you need a little attention from a man to make yourself feel better.

I know it's kind of cheap, sort of like eating a Big Mac when what you really want is a fat fillet from Luger's, but I needed some comfort lovin' the way other people need comfort food.

He wasn't going to be able to come over until after he closed the bar, which meant I was letting him into my building at 4:30 in the morning.

Now, the good thing about EmKay is that given our years and years of history, I didn't feel particularly compelled to have to primp and pretty myself up for him. It would have been a nice thing to do, but I didn't. He's lucky I took a shower before he came over.

So anyway, he comes over and we drink wine, smoke a little, laugh, listen to music, drink some rum, smoke a little more, listen to some more music.

For a few minutes we went into the bedroom and then didn't even take our clothes off. Somehow, sleeping with him just didn't feel like the right thing to do.

But it was surely so comforting to be with him, just laughing and talking and laughing some more.

He did try to do all the gettalittlecloser moves, but I just wasn't feeling it.

"What do you think?" He asked me. "Has it just been too long?"

"I honestly don't know," I replied. "I am just loving what we are doing, right here, right now, so, so much."

Isn't that weird? I, Janey Horntoad, didn't want to have sex with a man WHOM I ADORE WITH EVERY CELL OF MY BEING AND WHO ADORES ME RIGHT BACK.

You know when you just have that soul-deep love for someone that will never go away? There's no nostalgia or hopefulness that you will recapture the fire or passion of what you once had, but a recognition that what you have now is a whole lot of the same thing without all of the attachment and jealousy and drama.

It was stupendously awesome.

We just look at each other and we really, really see each other -- we know the good, the bad and the gargoyle-esque about each other. And we just...love each other in a way that seems to me to be so goodhearted and friendly and well, simple. Each of us merely wants the other to be happy, and we are each other's biggest cheerleader.

And my god, that man can make me laugh like no one else.

One of my meditation teachers told a story that went something like this:

She had a dream that she was teaching, and someone approached her and asked, "Why do people love us?"

And she responded, simply, "Because we see them."

And that, my friends, is what EmKay and I have, in a nutshell. I cherish that so much.