Christmastime is Here

I've gotten the mushy Andrew Gold-y "Thank You for Being a Friend" crap out of the way, now here's what I did last night after talking to the aforementioned concerned friends...

1) Sat down for a long time and did a Smoking Meditation. In the old days, this used to be called "sitting and brooding," but in my new Buddhist aspirational mindset, I've renamed it the Smoking Meditation.

2) Decide to enhance the Smoking Meditation by adding the Polish-Off-That-Half-bottle-of-Aglianico Meditation as well.

3) Decide that since I ended the day feeling bad I should make myself feel worse by calling East Village Guy. Surprisingly, he sounds happy to hear from me. We have a nice chat with plans to get together next week.

4) Decide that it would be a good idea to cheer myself up even further by decorating my house for Christmas. This entails climbing a very tall ladder to pull down boxes of lights and ornaments. Hold on very very tightly while climbing the ladder because I feel a little wobbly in the knees. Remember that all I ate yesterday was cereal for breakfast and a half slice of pizza for lunch. Only dropped the stuffed Rudolph-Hermie-Snowman figures. Nothing breakable is lost, though I do knock a hammer off the top of the refrigerator.

5) Decide that I can't decorate without Christmas music and pull out all my Christmas CD's. Decide putting on festive-yet-sad Christmas music requires opening 2nd bottle of Aglianico and sitting on the floor surrounded by cd's and playing DJ for an hour and singing along with The Carpenters Christmas Portrait at the top of my lungs. "O Holy Night" big favorite.

6) Put on Dad's favorite Perry Como Christmas album and cry sentimentally for a few minutes.

7) Decide now would be a good time to do the Smoke-Half-a-Joint Meditation.

8) Decide to frame bookshelf in Christmas lights. Retrieve ladder and hammer from kitchen floor and reach for box of nails from top of refrigerator. Am able to locate most of them except the ones that rolled under the fridge.

9) Only pound thumb twice hanging lights.

10) Am fearless administering oral antibiotic to Mambo.

11) Decide that 10:30 is a really good time to go to bed. Mambo and Madison agree.

11) Pass out.