Randomalia -- 7/12/10

Chicago again. 6am flight, LGA an absolute ratfuck at 5.  It's not usually like that, so I don't know where all these people were going.  I scored an exit row seat, but unfortunately it was the dreaded "E" seat.  Oh, well.  Sometime next week it's LA, then back to Chicago, then Portland, then LA again, and back to Lyndhurst, NJ.  Man, Jersey lands like a thunk at the end of that, doesn't  it?


Okay, just some random thoughts for a Monday morning:

1) Why kitten heels? It's not a stiletto, but we will ask you to balance on the bottom inch of a stiletto! Was there ever a stupider fashion invention? Just spring for the high heels already. I finally threw out the one pair of kitten heels I ever bought because I twisted my ankle every time I wore them.

2) Where did all these fat 25-year olds come from, and what will they look like when they're 35? I'll bet their boyfriends are thinking the same thing, too, which goes a long way toward explaining the cougar trend.

3) Fashion Trend My Mother Would Frown At: Shorts with heels as work attire. I stood back and watched this one with skepticism, because I always thought this look was hookerish. Then realized I do it all the time on weekends with my cutoffs and platform wedgies. And the women at work, I had to admit, were pulling it off. The key is proportions, ladies, which means NO SHORT SHORTS with high heels. THAT looks like you're selling it. But a clean-lined, flat-front short with at least a 4" inseam and a nice pair of stacked-heel sandals looks quite cute, summery, and right on the money for this fashion moment.

4) Do guys who walk funny know they walk funny? Or do they think they look just fine?

5) What happened to good posture? Whenever I see someone with terrible posture, it makes me jerk my shoulders backward as if my mother is standing behind me, poking me with her finger and saying, "Stand up straight, Ai!" Plus, bad posture makes every outfit look bad.

6) Just what does Miss Madison Kitty get up to when I'm not around? Every night I come home and the blanket which I left neatly folded at the foot of the bed is wadded up into a ball or on the floor, and I find cat toys in strange places (fur mouse in the litterbox). Sometimes the furniture has been rearranged. I suspect she may be entertainin' gentlemen callers while I'm out. She does have questionable morals, we know, since she had her kittens when she was less than a year old.

7) What is up with people who travel with their own, full-sized pillows, with flowery pillowcases and all? What are you, eight years old and going to a slumber party? Do you have a copy of "Twilight" in your carry-on, Justin Bieber on your iPod, and a Bonne Bell Lipsmacker in your purse?

8) Some of you may know that I've been htting the Allman Brothers pipe pretty hard lately. I listened to "Whipping Post" four times before I left the house this morning at 4:30. This song is such ridiculous brilliance that I don't know how to explain it. Okay, I'll try: a blues-rock song written in alternating 11/8 and 12/8 time signatures. One doesn't dance to such a thing (well, one really can't, can one?), one merely wails along with Greg Allman as he tears it UP. (Does anyone remember Bo Bice? His cover of "WP" was one of the few truly memorable moments on American Idol. Most of America was befuddled. He shoulda won, not that prom queen Carrie Underwood.)

9) And let's talk some more about the Allmans. Poor dead Duane, to be specific. Or rather, the only song that poor dead Duane wrote all by hisself: "Little Martha." America, let me put it this way: If a handsome stranger I'd never met came into my apartment, sat down with my guitar, and played "Little Martha" for me, I would cleave to his side forever, only asking him to play "Little Martha" for me each night. We would rob banks by day and he would play "Little Martha" for me in cheap motels by night.

10) Then again, if kd lang showed up and said, "I will sing you to sleep every night," I would learn to love eating pussy so fast it would make your head spin.