I'll make it easy for you.Actually, now that I read through that, I realize that instead of making myself sound "wrong," I actually made myself sound kind of awesome. If someone used those words to describe a stranger to me, I'd ask for her phone number and try to date her.
Herewith, the list of things that make me wrong:
I'm a woman of a certain age who has never been married. So that must mean there is *something* wrong with me, right? My intellect is self-acquired and shaky. On the other hand, I'm never afraid to say, "I don't know what that is." I am funny. (I don't think men actually like this quality, no matter what they say) I am extricating myself from money problems of my own making. I know a little bit about a lot of things. I have opinions. I have a hard time asking for help; I fall to pieces if I have to do it. I forget birthdays. I cry at those Sarah MacLachlan ASPCA comercials. I do the NYTimes Sunday puzzle on the subway, in pen. Not because I can get every answer right, but because I am secretly showing off. I have a bottomless appreciation for pop music. I don't like fights. If someone attacks me, I go into a fetal curl; if someone attacks my friends, I turn into a wild animal. I can't hold a grudge no matter how hard I try. I don't get mad when people cancel plans. I don't believe in god. I hate having too many plans. I am impolitic and blurty. I am so easygoing about some things that people think I don't care. I have abnormally large thumbs. I hate the first half hour of exercising so much that I rarely do it at all. I love hockey. I love being by myself. I don't like to speak for the first two hours I am awake. I drink the same cup of coffee all day long. I like to fix things. I sing when I'm walking down the street. I hate to shop. My favorite boots are as old as my cat. I talk to strangers wherever I go. I am painfully shy. I hate the way people here look at me when I tell them my brothers are auto mechanics. I laugh too loudly. I think fat people *can* help it. I don't care if people like me or not. I am always looking for the funny. I made jokes at my father's funeral. If you asked me what superpower I'd choose to have for one day, I'd answer "being beautiful." When someone hurts my feelings, I tell them they hurt my feelings. When I screw up I always admit it (this is un-American). In my secret heart, I wish I could inspire devotion in someone. I am unable to hide it when my bullshit detector needle hits red. I don't suffer fools -- at all. I have kept my heart on lockdown for so long that I don't have enough sense to snatch it back when someone jimmies their way in and starts to steal it.
Is that enough to make it easier for you to walk away?
Friday, July 2, 2010
Email Trail: 5/31/10, 9:40pm
Cleaning out emails, and here's one from the beginning of the end. He was trying to extricate himself, and "let me down easy," (meaning, he said he was going away, but then kept sniffing around, and wouldn't actually go away, which in hindsight makes me a little pissy) and I decided to give him reasons to get the fuck away from me.
9 comments:
knew there was a reason to like you. we have quite a bit in common.
Some points in common, some totally opposite. Interesting list.
G: You have big thumbs, too? I should have added my abnormally large head, but that would make me sound like Acromegaly Girl. But it's true. Hats are a problem.
P: It takes all kinds to make a stew, doesn't it! I'd love to know where the overlaps and not-overlaps are!
Common: never afraid to say IDK; am funny (men I know seem to like it, tho they are usually funnier); extricating from money probs, sorta my own fault, depending how you tilt the kaleidoscope; have opinions; do NYT Sunday puzzle in pen (when I do it, which isn't often anymore, plus I never finish); lurve pop music; not much sympathy for fatties; will joke about anything if I sense it's OK; hate to shop (when I need something, don't mind just wandering around); my heart has been completely stolen.
Opposite: been married 2x, split from both, so clearly I ROCK; my intellect is via Google and rock-solid; know a lot about a few things; will ask for help easily; never forget birthdays; don't mind fights, depending; can hold a grudge,, depending; get mad about cancelled plans; love lots of plans; generally not blurty; normal thumbs; like talking in morning (except to dad); like new boots; don't talk to strangers much; not shy; no brothers; I often hide hurt feelings; I don't always admit screw-ups; I can hide it when I detect BS.
Whew!!
Forget this. You're all totally awesome. Different, not-the-same, entirely awesome. I am blinded by your collective bright light of awesomeness. Brain ... spoor ... produc-- ?
D, you're just trying to impress the girls, you silly man, you.
A, I'm a woman of a certain age (...) My intellect is (semi-derived and semi-)self-acquired and (insufficient). On the other hand, I'm never afraid to say, "I don't know what that is." I am funny. (...) I know a little bit about a lot of things. I have opinions (and I know how to use them). I have a hard time asking for help; I (get cranky) if I have to do it. I forget birthdays (and names!). I cry at those Sarah MacLachlan ASPCA commercials (and, well, a lot of other things too). (I do Sudoku in pen) because I am secretly showing off. I have a bottomless appreciation for pop music. I don't like fights. But if someone attacks (me or) my friends, I turn into a wild animal (and if I see an innocent someone being picked on my hackles rise, my blood boils and I want to go rip their balls (or whatever) off). I can't hold a grudge no matter how hard I try. I don't get mad when people cancel plans. (...) I hate having too many plans. I am impolitic and blurty. I am so easygoing about some things that people think I don't care. (And so hard core about other things people think I'm a zealot) (...) I love being by myself. I don't like to speak for the first (hour) I am awake (or when I am over tired). I (love coffee but have to limit myself and stop before noon or I'll stay awake all night). I like to fix things. I sing when I'm walking down the street (and pretty much anywhere). (My favorite boots are as old as (Aileen's) cat. I talk to strangers (when I think something's funny and I want to share). I am painfully shy. (...) I think fat people *can* help it. (...) I am always looking for the funny (and seeing it in places other people think inappropriate, sometimes). I (would make) jokes at my father's funeral (if he died and had a funeral). If you asked me what superpower I'd choose to have for one day, I'd answer "being (tall, leggy, and) beautiful." When someone hurts my feelings, I (do my best to hide it and pretend I'm tough). When I screw up I always admit it (this is un-American). (...) I am unable to hide it when my bullshit detector needle hits red. I don't suffer (willing) fools (...)
I have to come right out and declare my feelings hurt, otherwise I look like a 4-year-old with brimming eyes and shaking lips. Best for me to just get it on out there. Plus, it gives the feeling-hurter the chance to apologize immediately and eliminates the possibility of me flipping out later about something else completely unrelated in an unattractive display of female passive- aggression.
Like dogs, I believe men must be corrected immediately. Rubbing their noses in a puddle of hours-old piss teaches them absolutely nothing.
I have been told recently it would be a Good Idea to do that right away declare feelings thing instead of the unrelated flipping out later thing, though it was not called "unattractive" however. LOL.
Paula, you make me laugh!
One of my male cousins described it as the "And Another Thing!" Argument which usually happened when he was trapped in the car with his wife, and it is always accompanied by an index finger being shaken in his face.
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