A cup or so of very ripe pineapple chunks
2 bananas that are so ripe they are almost liquid in their skins
That cupful of shriveling blueberries from the back of your refrigerator
A couple of good glugs of orange juice and skim milk
Toss it all into the blender and give it a whirl for a couple of minutes to make sure all the lumps are gone. It will be a really ugly color, like beige, speckly baby vomit, to be honest (those dark flecks are the blueberries and they're really, really good for you).
Pour into your favorite glass, the one blown by your friend with the famous literary great-grandfather. Drink. You won't be able to do this slowly, because it spackles some of the crevices in your soul and tastes like Smarties.
Watch the utterly ridiculous "Pretty in Pink" and realize that James Spader has based his entire acting career on playing...James Spader. He's like Tom Cruise without the Scientology and with the gross completely exposed. Also realize that Sidney Crosby looks disturbingly like the young Jon Cryer.
Then realize that it is a beautiful, sunshiny Saturday afternoon and you are indoors watching a crappy 80's movie.
Turn off the TV and go outside. Give yourself a timeout from thinking about Sarah Palin, or pedophile priests, or crazy-ass teabagging racists.
You will feel better.
I promise.
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