The Poison of Fear at Work

I got an email from someone on Friday that elucidated the way thing are at my job, and frankly, it's nothing that I haven't observed myself, and I really really want to work at holding myself out of the fray and remain authentic.

My heart demands it.

I'm either lucky or unlucky in that the minute I do or say something that feels inauthentic, something in my heart contracts a little.

Since I started there in May, I have mostly remained an outsider. Which has occasionally bothered me (shades of not being one of the popular kids at school), but has afforded me a tremendous opportunity to observe behaviors, management styles, and all kinds of interactions.

I usually get away with this by cultivating a sweet, simpleminded expression on my face. People will do and say the most outrageous things in front of you if they think you are clueless.

Anyway.

The all-pervasive condition that I've noticed here is an air of fear. It permeates the workspace with a metallic stink that is so permanent and ingrained that most people aren't even aware of it. But I look at things. I see things. I pay attention. And what I see is a lot of people scurrying around afraid to make a mistake, or voice a concern, or even raise their hand to make a contribution that would benefit the company.

It is a quagmire of status quo, that's the way we've always done it. You can't swim through a tarpit. They're still finding mastodon bones at LaBrea, if I'm not mistaken. No one is willing to risk making a change because they want to make sure that making a change will be successful.

Now, this is management by fear. What the top level of management doesn't seem to get is that change is, inherently -- IN AND OF ITSELF -- risky. It's the classic risk/reward proposition. Take little risk, get little reward. Take a big risk, chances are you'll get a bigger reward.

And rather than address problems DIRECTLY, what happens is this: See a problem, then create a cloak-and-dagger scheme to make someone fuck up to PROVE that they are a problem. Rather than taking the person aside and doing that shocking thing known as a performance review.

I know, I know. I was fortunate to work for one of the most progressive private companies in the country. But its progressive management style meant that we were a little 100-person publishing company generating $125 MILLION in gross revenue each year. That's $1.25 million PER EMPLOYEE. We worked like dogs, but we were rewarded and praised and we knew that we had the power to change our own jobs if it was for the good of the company. That was an amazing experience.

Then I was running the little green printing business. And because it was just me, if something didn't work, process-wise, since I couldn't fire myself, I could just change the process to something that worked. Every single one of my vendors loved my ass, cause I was thorough and professional and realistic about schedules. And I had a process that worked.

So here I am in a traditional, patriarchal "society" where no one really feels they have a stake in anything except keeping their own job security. So what's the incentive for people to think outside their cubicle? None whatsoever. And I am watching a once-great company slowly choking to death on its own fear.

More later.