Notes from Randomalia

I've grown weary of my own mewling, so here's a little lighthearted stuff for you:

1) How many men sent their wives off to the theater alone last Thursday, the night the Mets blew it?

2) Don't people realize that synthetic waterproof fabrics hold odors? That stink on the subway is YOU, Mr. Helly Hansen/NorthFace/Columbia! Wash your damn coat.

3) I'm very, very sorry to see the following 1970's fashion trends have returned in full hipster force: Gay-porno-star moustaches, bushy sideburns, and most woefully, a hairstyle I can only call "The Garfunkel."

4) I would love to see one of those tatted-out, full-sleeve hipsters get beat up by a Hell's Angel. Just on principal.

5) When I look at myself in store windows as I walk down the street, it's not because I think I look hot. I am just afraid that my skirt might have somehow gotten tucked into my underpants.

6) One day last week the L train was so crowded I had to let FIVE trains go by before I could fit onto one. I tell ya, the ghetto must have been completely empty that morning.

7) I haven't actually met my new neighbor but I've suspected for a while that he is gay because of the loud dance music he plays at 8:00 in the morning. At first I felt bad about stereotyping like that and told myself "Maybe he's some heterosexual who happens to like dance music -- this IS an Italian neighborhood after all." This morning when I left, he was blasting and wailing along to Cher. "Do you be-leheeve in lahf after luhv?" I don't feel bad for the stereotyping anymore.

8) Walleyed people have a moral obligation to tell you which eye to look at when you are talking to them.

9) How do drag queens dress up on Halloween? Do they wear business suits and khakis?