I get a daily peace quote from Living Compassion.
Interestingly, here's what showed up in my in-box today:
UNDRESSING
Learn the alchemy true human beings
know: the moment you accept what
troubles you've been given, the door
will open. Welcome difficulty
as a familiar comrade. Joke with
torment brought by the Friend.
Sorrows are the rags of old clothes
and jackets that serve to cover,
then are taken off. That undressing,
and the naked body underneath, is
the sweetness that comes after grief.
- Jelaluddin Rumi
Friday, March 31, 2006
Left Foot, Right Foot, Left Foot, Breathe
The Dalai Lama once said that when awful things are happening, it must mean that something wonderful is trying to be born.
In that spirit, I ask you to do this:
Tell your friends you love them. Not in the standard, offhand meaningless, "Luv ya" way.
Mean it. Have it come from your heart. Look at your closest friend, straight in the eye, and say these three words from the most compassionate part of you:
"I love you."
Feel your chest break wide open.
Breathe.
And remember something else the Dalai Lama said, which I recited to myself again and again after 9/11: "A broken heart is an open heart, a broken heart is an open heart."
I also give you words from The Genius of Our Time (I mean that. Seriously.) Stevie Wonder:
When was the last time
That they heard you say
Mother or father, I love you
And when was the last time
That they heard you say
Daughter or son, I love you
Ones you say you cherish everyday
Can instantly be taken away
Then you’d say I know this can’t be true
When you never took the time
To simply tell them I love you
When was the last time
That they heard you say
Sister or brother, I love you
And when was the last time
That they heard you say
Darling or best friend, I love you
The one for whom you’d give your very life
Could be taken in the twinkling of an eye
Through your tears you’d ask why did you go
Knowing you’d didn’t always show
Just how much you loved them so
These three words
Sweet and simple
These three words
Short and kind
These three words
Always kindles
An aching heart to smile inside
I know a family
Who hasn’t a cent to their name
And yet the joy and love they have between them
They always claim
And when one’s called from life
The survived mourn the lost
And will never be the same
Yet they rejoice
In knowing they gave them their all
These three words
Sweet and simple
These three words
Short and kind
These three words
Always kindles
In that spirit, I ask you to do this:
Tell your friends you love them. Not in the standard, offhand meaningless, "Luv ya" way.
Mean it. Have it come from your heart. Look at your closest friend, straight in the eye, and say these three words from the most compassionate part of you:
"I love you."
Feel your chest break wide open.
Breathe.
And remember something else the Dalai Lama said, which I recited to myself again and again after 9/11: "A broken heart is an open heart, a broken heart is an open heart."
I also give you words from The Genius of Our Time (I mean that. Seriously.) Stevie Wonder:
When was the last time
That they heard you say
Mother or father, I love you
And when was the last time
That they heard you say
Daughter or son, I love you
Ones you say you cherish everyday
Can instantly be taken away
Then you’d say I know this can’t be true
When you never took the time
To simply tell them I love you
When was the last time
That they heard you say
Sister or brother, I love you
And when was the last time
That they heard you say
Darling or best friend, I love you
The one for whom you’d give your very life
Could be taken in the twinkling of an eye
Through your tears you’d ask why did you go
Knowing you’d didn’t always show
Just how much you loved them so
These three words
Sweet and simple
These three words
Short and kind
These three words
Always kindles
An aching heart to smile inside
I know a family
Who hasn’t a cent to their name
And yet the joy and love they have between them
They always claim
And when one’s called from life
The survived mourn the lost
And will never be the same
Yet they rejoice
In knowing they gave them their all
These three words
Sweet and simple
These three words
Short and kind
These three words
Always kindles
The Good Thing About Being Me is That I Bounce
Feeling somewhat better today. For me, tumbling into the abyss is okay, because I know that at some point the fall turns into a dive, and there's a trampoline at the bottom.
I bounce. Sometimes the bottom is a little lower than at other times, so the the bounce up takes a little more work, but at no time do I ever lose sight of the light at the top. I turn my face to the light, like a flower to the sun. And know that at some point I'll be crawling out of the hole.
So, I did something unusual for me in my blues. I reached out. I called people. And without going into story with them, basically said, "I'm blue." And it was one of my friends, one of my most at-time difficult friends, the one who sometimes infuriates me to the point of growling, who just opened his heart to me. It wasn't his ears, so much as his heart. I FELT it. And I was able to let all of the ca-ca out, and cry and be sad, and grieve and feel bad, and at the end of it, he said two things to me:
"You are so lucky that you have such access to your emotions and that you feel them so deeply. Think about all the people you know who don't have a clue."
and then,
"I love you, Janey."
You know what, just having someone tell you that they love you, from their open heart, simply, kindly and unconditionally, can suddenly make all the delusion and anger begin to melt away, and with that I began to have clarity.
So I sat with everything. And picked up a book by one of my "teachers." And almost as if it was pre-destined, opened the book to a random page and this is what I read (bold text my emphasis):
"Sometimes we feel that forgiving people who have harmed us is tantamount to condoning their harmful behavior. Therefore, staying angry with them seems the only way to express our continued disapproval of their behavior. However, this isn't the case at all. A person and his behavior are separate. We cannot say that a person is evil even if his behavior or intention is harmful. From a Buddhist perspective. . .each person has some internal goodness that can never be destroyed, no matter how badly he or she may act. Thus, we can forgive and let go of our anger toward the person who harmed us and at the same time maintain that his behavior was injurious and unacceptable and should not be continued in the future.
Forgiving does not mean tolerating damaging behavior or staying in an abusive situation. Nor does it necessitate sharing our forgiveness with the other person if he could misconstrue it and resume his harmful behavior. Motivated by compassion, we can take strong measures to prevent or interrupt harm. Thus, forgiving does not render us a "softy."
Forgiving benefits ourselves as well as others. When we hold onto our anger, we're tense and unhappy, and this affects our relationships and physical health. By forgiving, we let go of our anger and thus cease our own suffering. We also prevent ourselves from assuming the role of the perpetrator, as victims so often do, and thus we stop the cycle of harm.
Of course, we cannot force ourselves to dissolve our anger or to forgive someone. Sometimes we may need to remove ourselves physically from a stress-provoking person or situation to get some mental distance. Then, through practicing the antidotes to anger, we can gradually dissolve it. As we do, the spaciousness, clarity and gentleness of forgiveness will naturally arise in our hearts."
-- Thubten Chodron, "Working With Anger"
I bounce. Sometimes the bottom is a little lower than at other times, so the the bounce up takes a little more work, but at no time do I ever lose sight of the light at the top. I turn my face to the light, like a flower to the sun. And know that at some point I'll be crawling out of the hole.
So, I did something unusual for me in my blues. I reached out. I called people. And without going into story with them, basically said, "I'm blue." And it was one of my friends, one of my most at-time difficult friends, the one who sometimes infuriates me to the point of growling, who just opened his heart to me. It wasn't his ears, so much as his heart. I FELT it. And I was able to let all of the ca-ca out, and cry and be sad, and grieve and feel bad, and at the end of it, he said two things to me:
"You are so lucky that you have such access to your emotions and that you feel them so deeply. Think about all the people you know who don't have a clue."
and then,
"I love you, Janey."
You know what, just having someone tell you that they love you, from their open heart, simply, kindly and unconditionally, can suddenly make all the delusion and anger begin to melt away, and with that I began to have clarity.
So I sat with everything. And picked up a book by one of my "teachers." And almost as if it was pre-destined, opened the book to a random page and this is what I read (bold text my emphasis):
"Sometimes we feel that forgiving people who have harmed us is tantamount to condoning their harmful behavior. Therefore, staying angry with them seems the only way to express our continued disapproval of their behavior. However, this isn't the case at all. A person and his behavior are separate. We cannot say that a person is evil even if his behavior or intention is harmful. From a Buddhist perspective. . .each person has some internal goodness that can never be destroyed, no matter how badly he or she may act. Thus, we can forgive and let go of our anger toward the person who harmed us and at the same time maintain that his behavior was injurious and unacceptable and should not be continued in the future.
Forgiving does not mean tolerating damaging behavior or staying in an abusive situation. Nor does it necessitate sharing our forgiveness with the other person if he could misconstrue it and resume his harmful behavior. Motivated by compassion, we can take strong measures to prevent or interrupt harm. Thus, forgiving does not render us a "softy."
Forgiving benefits ourselves as well as others. When we hold onto our anger, we're tense and unhappy, and this affects our relationships and physical health. By forgiving, we let go of our anger and thus cease our own suffering. We also prevent ourselves from assuming the role of the perpetrator, as victims so often do, and thus we stop the cycle of harm.
Of course, we cannot force ourselves to dissolve our anger or to forgive someone. Sometimes we may need to remove ourselves physically from a stress-provoking person or situation to get some mental distance. Then, through practicing the antidotes to anger, we can gradually dissolve it. As we do, the spaciousness, clarity and gentleness of forgiveness will naturally arise in our hearts."
-- Thubten Chodron, "Working With Anger"
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Pondering
Does anyone really need a bigger boat? The boat I've got is essentially seaworthy, just a little loaded to the gunwales with excess crap.
Do I just need to take a hard look at my life and start jettisoning all the old shit?
Just got a call from a dear friend who read the last couple of entries and picked up the phone immediately to call me to see how I am doing.
It cheered me a bit.
Must sit with all of this.
Do I just need to take a hard look at my life and start jettisoning all the old shit?
Just got a call from a dear friend who read the last couple of entries and picked up the phone immediately to call me to see how I am doing.
It cheered me a bit.
Must sit with all of this.
Breakdown in the Passing Lane
That's it. I'm shutting down temporarily. Going away. Disappearing. Crawling back under the porch.
Clearly that is where I need to be right now.
On a normal day, my spirit feels like a red balloon tied to my beltloop. It bobs along with me, cheerful and noticeable and people smile to see it. I smile back, happy to share it.
Right now, it feels like a dented old tin can tied to a stray puppy's tail.
The malaise that I see all around me, IS me. The transgressions I see others around me committing -- I am just as guilty as they are.
Does friendship really exist? Does it? DOES IT?
Does honor within friendship exist? I'm losing my faith in that, not only by my own acts, but by someone else's who has betrayed me deeply. Someone with whom I thought I had an understanding that we keep each others' secrets and keep each others confidences to the grave. I can try to spin what I did but there is no spin. I was a bad friend and I am paying the price.
Dear other person, now I see.
Thank you for making it clear that here is how to go through life:
There is no such thing as community and honor and kindness. There is only ego gratification and self-preservation.
So here is how I preserve myself.
I'm out.
Clearly that is where I need to be right now.
On a normal day, my spirit feels like a red balloon tied to my beltloop. It bobs along with me, cheerful and noticeable and people smile to see it. I smile back, happy to share it.
Right now, it feels like a dented old tin can tied to a stray puppy's tail.
The malaise that I see all around me, IS me. The transgressions I see others around me committing -- I am just as guilty as they are.
Does friendship really exist? Does it? DOES IT?
Does honor within friendship exist? I'm losing my faith in that, not only by my own acts, but by someone else's who has betrayed me deeply. Someone with whom I thought I had an understanding that we keep each others' secrets and keep each others confidences to the grave. I can try to spin what I did but there is no spin. I was a bad friend and I am paying the price.
Dear other person, now I see.
Thank you for making it clear that here is how to go through life:
There is no such thing as community and honor and kindness. There is only ego gratification and self-preservation.
So here is how I preserve myself.
I'm out.