Summer's End

It's been a tough summer.

I fell a little bit in love at the beginning of the summer, had my heart kinda ripped out and eaten in front of my dying eyes. I decided that the best thing for me was to follow a wise man's advice and put that love on my heart, so when it broke, the love could fall in and fill it. Nourish it.

Mambo stayed around just long enough to prop me up through all that, until I no longer needed his stout and sturdy heart to carry me anymore, and I had to say goodbye to him after nearly 20 years.

My mother died last night. She went to sleep in her own bed, in her own house, and died as quietly as she had lived. I suppose you couldn't ask for more than that, could you?

But still, my mommy died.

And in the middle of it, there is something really, really beautiful happening. I'm feeling superstitious about it, so I won't say any more, just that at this moment, in the midst of the shock of trying to absorb the fact that, holy shit, I'm an orphan -- in the middle of these waves of grief and nausea, there's this one completely clean and good thing. And though it's new, and just-born, it doesn't feel scary or weird. Like the good smell of clean laundry, or your hands after you peel an orange. Know what I'm saying?

Her name was Aiko. I am named after her.

It means "love."