I know it's really, really, really lame not to post anything for months, and then post something that was forwarded to me in an email. And it's even lamer to give it a title that bears no relation to the actual contest coming up in November (Obama isn't running against Palin, remember? Well, the Retardicans can't seem to remember that, even as Barack is starting to do the Bristol Stomp all over the McCain Lie Machine). But I know you must have at least one Republican friend (we all have one, and we all call him/her "my Republican friend," the way people used to say, "my gay friend."), so I wanted to give you your talking points. They were forwarded without attribution (for you Republicans out there, I know 4-syllable words are hard, but that means "I don't know who wrote them first"), so I don't know where they got their start.
Here they are:
* If you grow up in Hawaii , raised by your grandparents, you're "exotic, different."
* Grow up in Alaska eating mooseburgers, a quintessential American story.
* If your name is Barack you're a radical, unpatriotic Muslim.
* Name your kids Willow , Trig and Track, you're a maverick.
* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.
* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're well grounded.
* If you spend 3 years as a brilliant community organizer, become the first black President of the Harvard Law Review, create a voter registration drivethat registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years as a Constitutional Law professor, spend 8 years as a State Senator representing a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of the state Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend 4 years in the United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people while sponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment and Public Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any real leadership experience.
* If your total resume is: local weather girl, 4 years on the city council and 6 years as the mayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governor of a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become the country's second highest ranking executive and next in line behind a man in his eighth decade.
* If you have been married to the same woman for 19 years while raising 2 beautiful daughters, all within Protestant churches, you're not a real Christian.
* If you cheated on your first wife with a rich heiress, and then left your disfigured wife and married the heiress the next month, you're a true Christian.
* If you teach responsible, age appropriate sex education, including the proper use of birth control, you are eroding the fiber of society.
* If, while governor, you staunchly advocate abstinence only, with no other option in sex education in your state's school system while your unwed teen daughter ends up pregnant, you're very responsible.
* If your wife is a Harvard graduate laywer who gave up a position in a prestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner city community, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's values don't represent America 's.
* If you're husband is nicknamed "First Dude", with at least one DWI conviction and no college education, who didn't register to vote until age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated the secession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.
Are you clear?
Try to have this discussion with your Republican friend in a calm, assertive tone of voice. Don't follow my example, which tends to be a little drag-queeny, arm-wavy, and punctuated with exhortations about "that Alaskan cunt." This does not tend to move the conversation forward.
And now, I have successfully used the word "cunt" in back to back posts. Can I call myself the Rude Pundette?
But anyway, I thought these were actually pretty good points to bring up.
And if you aren't watching Keith Olbermann at 8pm and 10pm on MSNBC on weeknights, you should be.
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