Jane Says "Happy Holidays!" To Her Inner Republican

Well, here's a call you don't want get on a Monday morning:

"Listen, this is [your downstairs neighbor]. The whole hallway is filling up with smoke. I called the landlord..."

"Why'd you call the landlord? Call the fucking fire department!"

Yes, I know, it IS Bushwick, which is to say, Up-holler Brooklyn, so there might be a few DNA strands running just a tad close amongst the old-timers and their kin, but still, people, use your brain. (Janey is smacking the back of one hand into the palm of the other while she says this). Let me say this very slowly and clearly: When you smell smoke, and then when you SEE smoke, your first, your VERY first call, should be to 911. Not to your landlord and THEN your upstairs neighbor. What the hell are they teaching in city schools? That red paint chips taste better than battleship gray? Sheesh!

Anyway.

Turns out our lovely crackhead neighbor finally passed out (after a particularly crack-fueled-and-door-slamming-and-fighting-over-drugs-in-the-hallway kind of weekend. Welcome to Crazyville, where your drug habit and apartment are paid for by your law-abiding neighbors! Not only in their tax dollars, but in the untold hours of their lost sleep!) But before she passed out, she left food cooking on the stove, which the FDNY (goddamnit, I missed them in all their sooty hotness) discovered after tripping over all of her shit which she has strewn in the hallway to get to her door.

Oh, wait, and this is after I had to call ACS on Thursday to report that when I came home on Wednesday night, her 2-year old was in the apartment, apparently alone, and crying out, "Let me out! Let me out!" Nice, right?

You know what, if I didn't have the cats to worry about and no renters insurance (not to worry, I'll be getting that this week), I would say, let the bitch burn herself up along with that piece of shit felon boyfriend of hers. The world would be well rid of both of them.

I'm just sitting here with a little cloud of steam coming off the top of my head, nurturing my inner Republican and wondering if we can get Eliot Spitzer to get the state legislature to pass some sort of Mandatory Eugenics for Welfare Shitheads law while he's governor.