Two things
1) My dream job, which I never heard from after my GREAT interview with them (sorry, I'm feeling grammatically challenged today, and there was just no way to for that to make sense), resurfaced... They haven't even finished first interviews -- TWO MONTHS LATER -- but the woman who would be my boss said, "I haven't met anyone I liked except you." She should just hire me and be done with it. Right? And save me from the reverse-commute-with-no-benefits.
2) Awhile back, I told my Dad if he needed a kidney transplant he could have one of mine. Well, I may be called on that. Part of me is saying, What the fuuuuuuck? The other part of me is saying, Well, I have two kidneys and only one dad. I can live with one kidney, but it would really suck to live with no dad. Granted, he's almost 80 and probably doesn't have much time left anyway, but I have never in my life encountered someone who likes being alive more than Marty. It would be nice if we could keep him here for a few more years. *GULP*
Friday, July 13, 2007
Some Thoughts on Men for Friday
1) When you introduce us to your friends by saying, "This is my very dear friend Jane," we are well aware that it's code for "No! No! I'm not sleeping with her! OF course I'm not sleeping with her!"
2) When you introduce us to your friends by saying, "This is Jane," we also know that it's code for, "I want this guy to think I'm sleeping with her."
3) Just because a really drunk homosexual hit on you once, that doesn't mean you are catnip for gay men. So quit walking around saying, "The Gays love me."
4) One pair of flat-front pants does not make you a metrosexual. Generally you let your hetero DNA show by filling up your pockets with shit, anyway. What the hell are you carrying in there that you've got these two tumors on your thighs? Do yourself a favor, buy a purse.
5) We're thinking about what it would be like to fuck you, too. More often than not, it gives us the full-body shivers. And not in a good way.
6) Are you color blind? Make sure you take a woman with you if you need to buy a pair of brown shoes, or suffer the fate of walking around with what appear to be two oversized slices of pumpkin pie sticking out of your pant legs. Make a note: ORANGE is not BROWN.
7) Please don't text message us pictures of your dick, thinking it will make us hot. We have a hard enough time not laughing at it when we see it in person.
8) If you do feel the need to text or IM or email a naughty message to us, at least be imaginative. And NEVER, EVER spell it "c-u-m."
I just needed to get that off of my chest. I feel better now.
2) When you introduce us to your friends by saying, "This is Jane," we also know that it's code for, "I want this guy to think I'm sleeping with her."
3) Just because a really drunk homosexual hit on you once, that doesn't mean you are catnip for gay men. So quit walking around saying, "The Gays love me."
4) One pair of flat-front pants does not make you a metrosexual. Generally you let your hetero DNA show by filling up your pockets with shit, anyway. What the hell are you carrying in there that you've got these two tumors on your thighs? Do yourself a favor, buy a purse.
5) We're thinking about what it would be like to fuck you, too. More often than not, it gives us the full-body shivers. And not in a good way.
6) Are you color blind? Make sure you take a woman with you if you need to buy a pair of brown shoes, or suffer the fate of walking around with what appear to be two oversized slices of pumpkin pie sticking out of your pant legs. Make a note: ORANGE is not BROWN.
7) Please don't text message us pictures of your dick, thinking it will make us hot. We have a hard enough time not laughing at it when we see it in person.
8) If you do feel the need to text or IM or email a naughty message to us, at least be imaginative. And NEVER, EVER spell it "c-u-m."
I just needed to get that off of my chest. I feel better now.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Chertoff Has a "Hunch"
What I can't seem to grasp is how any editor in the country would deem this newsworthy.
Having a hunch that someone, somewhere, wants to attack us, sometime, is like saying, hmm I have a feeling the sun is going to come up tomorrow morning!
Pay close attention to this. Call me cynical, but I believe it can only mean that someone, somewhere is firing up shredders and finding ways to hack into server host systems to wipe them clean. And I'm not talking about the ones with the DC Madam's database of users.
Just call it a hunch.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Occipitally Obsessed
Ever since I read this article a few weeks ago, I find myself staring at the back of men's heads wherever I go -- on the subway, walking down the street, sitting on Metro North.
Then I slowly scan the rest of the person to see if there's anything that screams "GAY" or "HETERO" about their clothes, grooming, etc. It's like a little test for myself, to see if my gaydar still works.
What can I say, it's a way to pass the time and it beats doing the jumble, right?
Then I slowly scan the rest of the person to see if there's anything that screams "GAY" or "HETERO" about their clothes, grooming, etc. It's like a little test for myself, to see if my gaydar still works.
What can I say, it's a way to pass the time and it beats doing the jumble, right?