Some Thoughts on Men for Friday

1) When you introduce us to your friends by saying, "This is my very dear friend Jane," we are well aware that it's code for "No! No! I'm not sleeping with her! OF course I'm not sleeping with her!"

2) When you introduce us to your friends by saying, "This is Jane," we also know that it's code for, "I want this guy to think I'm sleeping with her."

3) Just because a really drunk homosexual hit on you once, that doesn't mean you are catnip for gay men. So quit walking around saying, "The Gays love me."

4) One pair of flat-front pants does not make you a metrosexual. Generally you let your hetero DNA show by filling up your pockets with shit, anyway. What the hell are you carrying in there that you've got these two tumors on your thighs? Do yourself a favor, buy a purse.

5) We're thinking about what it would be like to fuck you, too. More often than not, it gives us the full-body shivers. And not in a good way.

6) Are you color blind? Make sure you take a woman with you if you need to buy a pair of brown shoes, or suffer the fate of walking around with what appear to be two oversized slices of pumpkin pie sticking out of your pant legs. Make a note: ORANGE is not BROWN.

7) Please don't text message us pictures of your dick, thinking it will make us hot. We have a hard enough time not laughing at it when we see it in person.

8) If you do feel the need to text or IM or email a naughty message to us, at least be imaginative. And NEVER, EVER spell it "c-u-m."

I just needed to get that off of my chest. I feel better now.