Snow, and More Snow

Jesus H. Christ, I'm tired of winter.

Waking up in the dark and leaving work in the dark tires me. If I didn't force myself to stand up from my desk and walk outside for some fresh air (read: cigarette break), it's conceivable I could go an entire winter without seeing more than a few minutes of sunshine a day, like someone living in Alaska or Siberia.  If it wasn't for the 5000 Kelvin light boxes we use every day for reviewing color proofs, I swear I'd be a raving drunk or depressive or trying to find a few Palins on whom I can exercise my 2nd Amendment rights.

Navigating 3-week old piles of semi-frozen snow on every street corner by having to detour out into traffic tires me. Same with having to do the Don't Walk Too Close To The Street shuffle, because that one asshole cab driver spots you from half a block away, guns it, and swerves into the puddle of melting slush and god-knows-what-else you happen to be passing.

Inane elevator chatter about the weather makes me tired. Oh my good Christ, do you have something better to say to people on the elevator than, "Brr, it's COLD out there!"

Winter clothes tire me. Especially since I wear a lot of turtlenecks and spend the first part of my day with my hair in a staticky cloud around my head.  Before I leave the house, I already look as though I've had a serious fright.  I will say, though, in the past couple of years, I am seeing many excellent boots on the feet of New York City women.

The constant "Snowstorm a-comin'! Better start a run on the bread aisle!" panic that overtakes the local news every time a little, bitty front shows up on Doppler tires me. What does it say about us that before a snowstorm people rush off...to the grocery store? In America? As if there will be food shortages here? Really? Really?

Even if all of America was paralyzed for five days because of a giant continental blizzard, most people, and yes, I'm talking you, lardy-ass America, most people could simply stay at home marinating in their own filth and living off their own blubber. 

Look around at any public gathering place, your local mall, movie theater, or airport. Do any of those people look like they've missed a meal recently?

Plus, put a winter coat on everyone, and the subways get really crowded, really fast. 

Not to mention that the knobby yellow blind-people-stop-here strip on the platform is slippery as shit when it's wet, which is pretty much all winter long, as long as there is snow on the ground.  I've lost count of how many times I've hit that motherfucker while boarding a train and ended up doing the heel-slip, then overcompensating by lurching forward and nearly falling into the train. Sometimes I'll do jazz hands and throw in a "Ta-dahhhh!" to let the other passengers know I meant to do that.

It's a good thing I'm virtually un-embarrassable.