I just had had a tiny little piece of my heart carved out a few minutes ago after ten wonderful days of vacation and I will be back at work today.
Hopefully I'll be blogging full-speed-ahead again soon.
Right now, I need to pry the Mad Kitty from my lap, as she saw suitcases being packed this morning and went into full-on panicky clinging mode with all its attendant meowing and running from room to room and huge black accusatory eyes. She seems calmer now that she's realized it wasn't my luggage being packed, but she has planted herself on my lap as if she's about to sprout roots.
Right now, having watched my person get into a car that took him away from me to LaGuardia, where the good people at United Airlines will carry him even farther away, I'm too sad to cry.
I did my crying on and off yesterday as I watched our last hours trickle away, then felt the last precious ones were stolen from me, which made me jump up and down shouting, "Unfair! Unfair! Unfair!"
As the good Mr. Vonnegut said, so it goes.
More often than not, tears are futile and pointless anyway. And you can stand there jumping up and down all you want, and it doesn't make any difference in the end.
And sometimes you just have to realize that even though something is clearly huge and important to you at the moment, someone else will see something else as huger and more important in the same moment. And you just have to live with that. It's people, right? No one is going to see everything exactly as you do, and they are going to make the choices that seem right for them at the time. Agree to disagree.
I realize I'm sounding cryptic here, so I'm just gonna go hop in the shower where I can cry and pretend my tears are just more water from the tap.
4 comments:
You're living fully and are open to love. Besides, imagine life without tears. No good.
I don't mean to make excuses, but sometimes choices made before he met you need to be honored and seen through or he wouldn't be the kind of person you would want to be with in the first place, yah? Kinda speaking for myself here too of course.
Regardless, big hugs and sympathies cuz I'm there too. December sucks.
Don, life was so much easier when I was a cold, calculating, rational bitch on wheels.
Trust me, Paula, this had nothing to do with prior choices and everything to do with what happened in a very specific moment. Big sads, lots of tears, and the unequivocal, highly unusual feeling that for once, I was right, and I will defend that position until I gag on it and die. You can write it on my tombstone, "Here Lies Aileen. Once, She Was Right."
awww my friend... I wanna hug you!
You will make it thru...xxoxoxoxox (we have to go get drunk soon!)
anocsanamun
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