Or as we say in da 'burgh, "Sometimes you just need cheered up." It's a Western Pennsylvania thing, that dropping of the verb "to be." You'll always be able to tell who we are by the way we say things, like...
"My shirt needs arned."
"My car needs warshed."
"My house is a mess, I gotta go home and redd up."
"Hey, I lost my barrette, you got a gumband I can use to pull my hair back?"
"I can't stand my boss, he's a total jagoff."
"Yinz guys think the Stillwers are gonna make the playoffs this year? Nah, dem guys ain't the same since Cahr retarhed."
My mother, not being a native, did a pretty good job of eradicating the accent in most of us, though my sisters and brothers who stayed still let an occasional "dahntahn" slip into their speech. I still find myself using the colloquialisms occasionally, much to the befuddlement to my friends from New York. A friend of mine, a card-carrying Brooklyn goombah (would that make him a Friend of Ours?), heard me describe someone as a "jagoff," and said it had more impact than just your garden variety "jerkoff." Try it, you'll see!
Unfortunately, guys here just don't get the reference when I tell them, "Kennywood's open!" and will happily stroll away with their fly open. They can't say I didn't try to let them know, even if it was in a different language.
But I have totally digressed from my original cheering up post. I've been feeling glum this week - unemployable and just spent from a flurry of job interviews. I now know what a Broadway performer feels like - you go out every single day and do the same thing and every time, you've gotta be on. So I took this week off to recharge the mental and emotional batteries. I haven't done one productive job-searchy thing, and it feels okay. Who knew that looking for a job was harder work than having a job? Sheesh. Why don't these people just recognize the wonder that is me and hire me?
So, sometimes you flip through channels and come upon something that you can't pass up, and it has the effect of cheering you up -- a lot. This week it was puppies. Yes, puppies. I mean, how can you not be cheered up by puppies? Yes, I know, I'm a cat person, but puppies are just more fun to watch on television. So I'm a dork, sue me.
In other news, my Special Naked Friend spent some time in the hospital -- apparently had a DVT incident, resulting in a pulmonary embolism, coulda died, blah, blah, blah. And do you know that when he got back to work this week, the idiot wanted to know when we could start messing around again!!! Hellooooo??? Since I wish to avoid any unplanned or unexplainable visits to a Brooklyn emergency room, I suggested he make sure all his parts work okay and try out the equipment on the wife for a few weeks before crossing two waters for more dirty playtime. When he gets a clean bill of health from his doctor, his wife, or both, he can come back to the burg of William. Sheesh.
This week, my vote for hottest TV moment comes courtesy of Tyra Banks and Terrence Howard. I think you have to see it to understand it -- it was like watching foreplay. And in case you were wondering, this was just a cheap ploy to mention Terrence Howard. Who, as far as I'm concerned, can fore my play any day of the week. He's the hottest cross-eyed guy on the planet.
I think this weekend will require a Vonnegut binge. Though I loaned my copy of "Breakfast of Champions" to the East Village Guy last year and never got it back. Damn. Speaking of the EVG -- I ran into him while I was out with Racer X last week, and since his girlfriend dumped him, he looks just terrible, and is back to skanking around the East Village. I mean, Skanking, with a capital "Skank." The pink-haired cokehead bartender he's shtupping looks like she could use a round of penicillin. Funny, he got less attractive when he lost the "good" girlfriend. Men, take note.
Which brings me to the question that Racer X and I were pondering one night over Guinnesses (Guinnii?):
If you could take ONE back (and face it, everyone has at least one who makes them cringe at the memory), who would it be? For me, hands down, it would be THIS GUY.
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