Thursday, August 6, 2009

Minority Steals another White Man's Job



Go Sonia! Go Sonia! Go Sonia! (I'm doing that cabbage patch dance, in case you were wondering)

Maybe I'll get really lucky during the Sunday morning shows and finally get to see Pat Buchanan's head explode on live television. Extra bonus points if Glenn Beck ruptures that vein in his forehead at the same time!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Bill is Back

Seeing the photos and video of former President Clinton and former Vice President Gore today as the two American journalists came home made me oh so nostalgic. Remember the 90's? Diplomacy and peace and prosperity?

"Before the dark times. Before the Empire..."

Can you imagine Cheney in this situation finding a humanitarian molecule in his shrivelled soul to do something like this?

Look! I was finally able to do the impossible! I used the words "cheney" and "humanitarian" in the same sentence!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Biggest, Swingin-est, Dick of Them All

Fucking Bill Clinton, man.

What else can I say?

He's a rock star and I've always loved him.

I may have to start stalking him in Chappaqua or at the state office building in Harlem.

Look, you know after this Hillary isn't giving him a damn thing -- shit, he went to North Korea and DID HER JOB! So I am volunteering. In a completely "Oooh, ooh, Mr. Kotter!!!" way.

If I recall correctly, he has a thing for bosomy brunettes.

Monday, August 3, 2009

My LA Trip

I'm very, very tired from my fun and frolicksome NYC weekend, so I am just going to summarize my trip to LA thusly:

First, I did this:



In LA, we did this, in fine style, with a picnic and everything:



I also did this, which caused a whole lot of envy amongst the Angelenos of my acquaintance:



One night, my friend took me to her house in Long Beach and we went out to dinner this way:



I finally got to Father's Office, where I ate this and was underwhelmed. Though the stuffed figs and the beer selection were exquisite:



I also ate a whole bunch of this in Gardena at our "secret" hole in the wall place:



We also ate here, but we didn't see any celebrities:



After we had lunch, we went to our store, where I scored these $450 shoes for 62 bucks. Tres sexy, non?



These are strictly indoor shoes. Get your minds out of the gutter.

Someone else took me here, and again we didn't see celebrities, just a bunch of d-baggy Hollywood types:



On one of my free nights, I went here for a couple of drinks by myself, and had to flee because some d-baggy Hollywood type was making the most vile propositions:



Listen, anyone who knows me knows that I'm no prude, so if a stranger says something that even I can't repeat it must be pretty disgusting.


Oh right, I was there to work, wasn't I? While all of this other fun stuff was going on, I did a whole lot of this:



And in my off-hours, I did a ton of this:



Last but most certainly not least, I also saw this guy a couple of times:



Heavens! If I had known woodpeckers were such great kissers, I would have kissed a lot more of them a whole lot sooner!

And that was my trip to Los Angeles.

60 Days and Counting

Until the Pittsburgh Penguins' home opener on October 2nd.

I'd go for my birthday weekend, but apparently everything is sold out already.

Hmph.