I'm feeling much better, but the amount of snot pouring out of my head is biblical. I've moved from annoyed to astonished.
Ain't I sexy?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Spectre of Specter
I just saw a shot of him on McLaughlin Group and the chyron said "Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA)." That "D" was so jarring. Specter was one of those Republicans I actually liked a lot of the time, like Chuck Hagel, Lincoln Chaffee, or, before he lost his mind and his mojo, John McCain.
Specter may be a political carpetbagger, but he did put that right out there in his press conference -- he said he couldn't win in the PA primary against right-wing hosebag Pat Toomey. He also said something that I'm hearing more and more from Republicans, which is that they seem to have moved away from their "traditional" conservative values. Look, when you find Janey nodding along in agreement with Joe Scarborough and Pat Buchanan (sometimes), you know your party is in trouble. Further, when people are comparing Barack Obama to Ronald Reagan, you REALLY know your party is in trouble. I mean, seriously, people, the guys on your side of the aisle have already started the opposition movement to Obama's Supreme Court nomination -- and there hasn't even been a nomination yet. Umm, hello?
Plus, who wants to be in a party that gives a loud and crazy platform to other loony fringers like Michele "CO2 is Harmless" Bachmann (circling finger next to temple), disloyal douchebags Rudy Giuliani (looks like you'll have to pay for a hotel during your next divorce, Rudy!), boob job in a bikini Carrie Prejean ("Bigotry that I learned at home is a viable political platform!"), or ethics- and intellect-challenged short-bussers like Sarah Palin?
Specter may be a political carpetbagger, but he did put that right out there in his press conference -- he said he couldn't win in the PA primary against right-wing hosebag Pat Toomey. He also said something that I'm hearing more and more from Republicans, which is that they seem to have moved away from their "traditional" conservative values. Look, when you find Janey nodding along in agreement with Joe Scarborough and Pat Buchanan (sometimes), you know your party is in trouble. Further, when people are comparing Barack Obama to Ronald Reagan, you REALLY know your party is in trouble. I mean, seriously, people, the guys on your side of the aisle have already started the opposition movement to Obama's Supreme Court nomination -- and there hasn't even been a nomination yet. Umm, hello?
Plus, who wants to be in a party that gives a loud and crazy platform to other loony fringers like Michele "CO2 is Harmless" Bachmann (circling finger next to temple), disloyal douchebags Rudy Giuliani (looks like you'll have to pay for a hotel during your next divorce, Rudy!), boob job in a bikini Carrie Prejean ("Bigotry that I learned at home is a viable political platform!"), or ethics- and intellect-challenged short-bussers like Sarah Palin?
Oink Oink
Okay, okay, I don't have the flu. I think the last time I had the flu Kurt Cobain was still alive.
I have the remnants of a cold that has knocked me a bit askew for the past few days -- you know the kind, you wake up in the morning with what you think is enough energy to get through the day, and by about 4 o'clock, you have faded completely into some kind of stoner daze and can only stare blankly at anyone who comes to you with a question. I never think of myself as particularly high-energy until I have a cold and people actually comment on my appearance. I wear sniffles like Aaron Neville's wen, I guess -- all the foundation, mascara and blusher in the world won't hide it.
I'm not a chemical medicator. It rarely occurs to me to dose myself with any of the OTC-aisle thingy-doos, except for the occasional Tylenol PM when my knee really, really hurts (which is less frequent these days since I've lost a few pounds). I guess I just...forget. It literally doesn't occur to me to scour the aisles of Duane Reade for some palliative at the first sign of the sniffles. I just buy a box of Kleenex and get on with my life. I've had the same box of Dayquil on my shelf for three years, mostly unused. Guess I should throw them out, huh?
I tend to tough things out, because I know they will pass in their time. Maybe because I'm not one of those delicate flowers prone to catching every random germ that is flying around, or maybe because I can still hear my mother's voice, "If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to go to that skating party!"
I dunno -- I attribute my vulgar good health to growing up in a generation whose mothers drank and smoked their way through our pregnancies (okay, not my mom, who never touched a drop of alcohol or a cigarette in her life) and let us eat potato salad at family picnics that had been sitting out for five hours. We played in the dirt in our bare feet, fell off our bikes and continued playing for hours with open, bloody scrapes, ate french fries that fell on the floor of the car, and shared soda from the same straw. Our immune systems had no choice but to grow hearty.
My advice to mothers of today -- throw away your Purell and Clorox wipes. Let your kid eat a few germs, quit giving them antibiotics for every ear ache, and maybe they'll be healthier in the long run.
I have the remnants of a cold that has knocked me a bit askew for the past few days -- you know the kind, you wake up in the morning with what you think is enough energy to get through the day, and by about 4 o'clock, you have faded completely into some kind of stoner daze and can only stare blankly at anyone who comes to you with a question. I never think of myself as particularly high-energy until I have a cold and people actually comment on my appearance. I wear sniffles like Aaron Neville's wen, I guess -- all the foundation, mascara and blusher in the world won't hide it.
I'm not a chemical medicator. It rarely occurs to me to dose myself with any of the OTC-aisle thingy-doos, except for the occasional Tylenol PM when my knee really, really hurts (which is less frequent these days since I've lost a few pounds). I guess I just...forget. It literally doesn't occur to me to scour the aisles of Duane Reade for some palliative at the first sign of the sniffles. I just buy a box of Kleenex and get on with my life. I've had the same box of Dayquil on my shelf for three years, mostly unused. Guess I should throw them out, huh?
I tend to tough things out, because I know they will pass in their time. Maybe because I'm not one of those delicate flowers prone to catching every random germ that is flying around, or maybe because I can still hear my mother's voice, "If you're too sick to go to school, you're too sick to go to that skating party!"
I dunno -- I attribute my vulgar good health to growing up in a generation whose mothers drank and smoked their way through our pregnancies (okay, not my mom, who never touched a drop of alcohol or a cigarette in her life) and let us eat potato salad at family picnics that had been sitting out for five hours. We played in the dirt in our bare feet, fell off our bikes and continued playing for hours with open, bloody scrapes, ate french fries that fell on the floor of the car, and shared soda from the same straw. Our immune systems had no choice but to grow hearty.
My advice to mothers of today -- throw away your Purell and Clorox wipes. Let your kid eat a few germs, quit giving them antibiotics for every ear ache, and maybe they'll be healthier in the long run.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Jane is Really, Really Pissed
I wrote about a thousand words about Columbine, but the blogger machine ate them, dagnabbit.
I will do my best to recreate my genius review (ahem) soon.
I will do my best to recreate my genius review (ahem) soon.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Happy 50th Birthday Strunk & White!
"Allow myself to introduce.....myself." -- Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery.
Whippersnappers don't seem to believe in things like spelling, punctuation, grammar, and sentence structure, and all kinds of boring stuff like that, but I think the world would be a better place if every kid's parents gave him a copy of "The Elements of Style" for his or her 10th birthday. And a copy of Mrs. Baldrige's book about manners. And then, when they graduate from college, they should get a book about executive communication and manners.
Not only would this completely eliminate the misuse of the word "myself," (i.e. "If you have any questions, please see Jen or myself."), I will never again have to open my work email to see a message from some 23-year-old with the subject line, "it's me again." I am not making this up. That was a message in my in-box last week, prompting me to cry out in outrage, "'It's me again' is not a subject line for a business email!" causing my office-mate to burst into very loud laughter and me to lay my head down and thump it several times on my desktop.
Remember, younguns, what you call style quirks, the rest of us call plain bad grammar!
Whippersnappers don't seem to believe in things like spelling, punctuation, grammar, and sentence structure, and all kinds of boring stuff like that, but I think the world would be a better place if every kid's parents gave him a copy of "The Elements of Style" for his or her 10th birthday. And a copy of Mrs. Baldrige's book about manners. And then, when they graduate from college, they should get a book about executive communication and manners.
Not only would this completely eliminate the misuse of the word "myself," (i.e. "If you have any questions, please see Jen or myself."), I will never again have to open my work email to see a message from some 23-year-old with the subject line, "it's me again." I am not making this up. That was a message in my in-box last week, prompting me to cry out in outrage, "'It's me again' is not a subject line for a business email!" causing my office-mate to burst into very loud laughter and me to lay my head down and thump it several times on my desktop.
Remember, younguns, what you call style quirks, the rest of us call plain bad grammar!