Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, TITS.
George Carlin, R.I.P.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Proof that I am Old...
Frequently, some youngun will flatter the crap out of me by being astonished when I tell him how old I am. I never lie about my age -- I figure why bother? I always figured if you tell that lie you have to spend the rest of your relationship with that person mentally doing math, subtracting those years from your experience. All it takes is one slipup about seeing Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls" tour when you were a senior in college and the jig is up. I know one guy who was 32 from 1998 to 2005 (Since his default position was always a lie, I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't still claiming 32 in 2008.)
Anyhow, the point of this is that I've started presenting things I've experienced about New York as evidence that I'm old.
To wit:
1) I remember the "K," the "RR," and the "LL" trains.
2) My first real job in New York was in a building with a Horn and Hardart Automat.
3) There was a Woolworth across the street. (I miss Woolworth. Where can you go now to pick up a little spool of thread in exactly the color you need, or a card of buttons for that coat button that you lost on the subway?)
4) The subway cost $1 when I came here, and you had to pay with something called a "token."
5) I voted for David Dinkins. Then I voted for Rudolph Giuliani. Twice. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
6) Coliseum Books used to be one of my favorite hangouts.
7) Billy Martin was manager of the Yankees, and their lineup included Don Mattingly, Rickey Henderson, Dave Winfield, and Willie Randolph.
8) Lower Fifth Avenue at around 12th Street was home to the Lonestar Roadhouse, and they had a giant fiberglass iguana on the roof. Can you imagine the residents of that neighborhood tolerating a big plastic lizard in their rarefied midst?
9) I had a friend who lived at First Avenue and 10th Street, and her neighborhood was reallllly scary.
10) I had another friend who lived on Sixth Street between A and B, and his neighborhood was totally terrifying.
11) I've danced at Save the Robots, Cave Canem, MK, Limelight, and Palladium. Palladium is now an NYU Dorm, fachrissakes.
12) I saw Erasure at the Ritz -- on 11th Street. It's now called Webster Hall or some such nonsense.
13) Worldwide Plaza had movie theaters that showed 2nd-run movies for TWO DOLLARS. If you waited 6 months, you could see any movie you had missed when it came out.
14) I saw "Reservoir Dogs" at the Quad on 12th street in its first run, and half the audience was so disgusted they walked out.
15) The Hamill we read in the Daily News was Pete, not Denis.
16) I once saw JFK Jr walking through the Sheep Meadow, shirtless. Yes, he was a piece of walking beefcake and 100% heartthrob.
17) I lived in Hell's Kitchen when it was still hellish. You didn't walk west of 9th Avenue -- ever.
And the most indisputable proof that I can offer that I am OLD:
I used to smoke at my desk, and no one thought there was a thing wrong with it.
Anyhow, the point of this is that I've started presenting things I've experienced about New York as evidence that I'm old.
To wit:
1) I remember the "K," the "RR," and the "LL" trains.
2) My first real job in New York was in a building with a Horn and Hardart Automat.
3) There was a Woolworth across the street. (I miss Woolworth. Where can you go now to pick up a little spool of thread in exactly the color you need, or a card of buttons for that coat button that you lost on the subway?)
4) The subway cost $1 when I came here, and you had to pay with something called a "token."
5) I voted for David Dinkins. Then I voted for Rudolph Giuliani. Twice. Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
6) Coliseum Books used to be one of my favorite hangouts.
7) Billy Martin was manager of the Yankees, and their lineup included Don Mattingly, Rickey Henderson, Dave Winfield, and Willie Randolph.
8) Lower Fifth Avenue at around 12th Street was home to the Lonestar Roadhouse, and they had a giant fiberglass iguana on the roof. Can you imagine the residents of that neighborhood tolerating a big plastic lizard in their rarefied midst?
9) I had a friend who lived at First Avenue and 10th Street, and her neighborhood was reallllly scary.
10) I had another friend who lived on Sixth Street between A and B, and his neighborhood was totally terrifying.
11) I've danced at Save the Robots, Cave Canem, MK, Limelight, and Palladium. Palladium is now an NYU Dorm, fachrissakes.
12) I saw Erasure at the Ritz -- on 11th Street. It's now called Webster Hall or some such nonsense.
13) Worldwide Plaza had movie theaters that showed 2nd-run movies for TWO DOLLARS. If you waited 6 months, you could see any movie you had missed when it came out.
14) I saw "Reservoir Dogs" at the Quad on 12th street in its first run, and half the audience was so disgusted they walked out.
15) The Hamill we read in the Daily News was Pete, not Denis.
16) I once saw JFK Jr walking through the Sheep Meadow, shirtless. Yes, he was a piece of walking beefcake and 100% heartthrob.
17) I lived in Hell's Kitchen when it was still hellish. You didn't walk west of 9th Avenue -- ever.
And the most indisputable proof that I can offer that I am OLD:
I used to smoke at my desk, and no one thought there was a thing wrong with it.
Coney Island Mermaid Parade 2008
I know I've been completely incommunicado for far too long, and I hope I haven't lost everyone, especially since I just figured out I don't need the Nikon-supplied photo software to dump my photos onto my hard drive.
Saturday was brilliant and sunny, a perfect day for MERMAIDS! The perfect opportunity to unleash your inner drag queen and letcher freak flag fly!
Janey and Roni, hanging out in Ruby's.
If you get hungry for calamari...
Some mermaids are even beauty school dropouts!
Sometimes a mermaid just looks at you and says, "Wha-evahhhh!"
We met Kitty and Crystal, two rock and roll mermaids, at Ruby's.
Somebody looked under a rock, but it wasn't a rock -- it was a rock LOBSTER!
By the end of the day, Janey and Roni are happy, but absolutely wiped out.
So here's a kiss from a mermaid, until next year!
Saturday was brilliant and sunny, a perfect day for MERMAIDS! The perfect opportunity to unleash your inner drag queen and letcher freak flag fly!
Janey and Roni, hanging out in Ruby's.
If you get hungry for calamari...
Some mermaids are even beauty school dropouts!
Sometimes a mermaid just looks at you and says, "Wha-evahhhh!"
We met Kitty and Crystal, two rock and roll mermaids, at Ruby's.
Somebody looked under a rock, but it wasn't a rock -- it was a rock LOBSTER!
By the end of the day, Janey and Roni are happy, but absolutely wiped out.
So here's a kiss from a mermaid, until next year!